不是說好了麼？（下）

（接續）

也不知是否人總愛問原因，猶豫往往又會跟找不到因由有關。就是覺得要找到根源，才能罷手，放下所有不該再想起的種種，然後繼續向前走。

而當人還未找到那為何事情會發展至某一個地步，我們的腦海每有空間去想呀想之時，猶豫便會應運而生。

我曾經是一個很愛每事問原因的人，是基於自己相信有因必有果，既然那結果在眼前，必定是有甚麼原因吧。不過，經歷過一些事情，包括生老病死和愛情無端離開，我學會了當決定要放低一些印記的話，不去追尋原因，不去問，就是最佳的方法。

決定了，必要繼續朝那方向走。千萬不要製造機會問一句：「不是說好了麼？」。

不是說好了麼?（上）

這個晚上，通了兩個電話，一個關於工作，一個關於愛情的分享，對話讓我想到這樣的一句話：「不是說好了麼?」（以口語來說：「唔係講好咗喇咩？」）。我除了想跟電話另一端的那位說，也想跟自己說一篇。

關於工作的，不在此談論，以免惹來不必要的尷尬。可以說的就是，這工作跟酒無關，亦不涉及任何酒商或相關單位；關於愛情的，亦不在此談論，那是好友跟我分享的一個故事。那是別人的故事，我只屬聆聽者，然而，好友的故事讓我想起自己的故事。

我的故事不只有愛情故事，還有關於工作的，和酒緣故事。所有加湊起來，為我的生活添上了很多的色彩，亦為帶來精彩無比的人生。即使當中有著幾多的失落、遺憾、困難，我依然相信那只是人生必經的歷練，也是我們成長的印記。這段歷程之中，我們亦很易遇上那些讓人猶豫的時刻，想好了，又回頭再想；決定了，又會再反問到底決定是否正確，已經採取了行動還算好，因為沒有再重來一次的餘地，我們只有繼續向前，並在適當的時候，再調整細節，未作任何行動的，那就慘了，「反問」變成了果斷的最大敵人，最終或轉化成讓人停滯不前或進退兩難的局面。

到底，猶豫的背後，是因為我們其實沒有勇氣去追我們想追的，還是因為理智告訴我們要三思而後行，於是三思完了，又要再三思？又抑或是誰偷走了我們勇往直前的鬥志？又或是我們有其他的顧慮，迫使我們不得不想完又想？

暫時擱筆，明晚再續。先送上歌曲一首：


（待續）

外面的世界。（下）

上回提到因為我開始想著自己渴望過的生活是怎樣，於是字典裡多了兩組詞彙：妥協和服從。

不過，想要準確一點，我的字典是先有：（不）妥協和（不）服從。或許我真的打從心底裡很想離開，每次有機會離開，就二話不說，走吧！多得家人讓我飛，才得以造就今天的自己。帶著那些經歷和被打磨過的心，似乎我越來越不願「妥協」或「服從」。

當然，要走進真正不妥協和不服從的世界，所要付出的或許根本無法計算出來。好友說著要妥協和服從，其中一項重要的考慮因素，是不妥協和不服從的後果與代價。

代價包括經濟上的條件，又或是家人的諒解與否等等。要是已經有了另一半，還要得到他或她的體諒才可以決定能否理直氣壯去追求那「不妥協」或「不服從」。

也許，這是很多人曾經有過的思潮：自己到底能否走出那個框框，既「不妥協」又「不服從」呢？

肯定自己曾這樣想過，但其實走出去回來再看，加上不斷的磨練，似乎根本沒必要走上極端。實際一點，既想生活得開心愉快，同時又能堅持到底和令自己有衝勁，最重要的是如何在「不妥協」之中作出妥協，在「不服從」當中依然像是在服從一般，繼續走。

說到底，社會上的確存在著種種的所謂「定律」，有些看似是沒法子打破，卻總有一些空間讓人在隙縫裡走著。我依然深信每一個人都有自己選擇如何生存的權利，而一個人能否察覺得到前面等著自己的選擇，甚至於能否為自己製造那些選擇的機會，就視乎當事人有沒有堅持信念的信心。

堅持信念，未必是一件容易辦到的事宜。不過，要是一個人可以找到心所屬，定能堅持到底，然後於機會到來時，就可以好好把握。

後記：我的「不妥協」和「不服從」，最終把我帶領到今天的葡萄酒世界。走進了這個世界，我就發現原來外面的世界很大很廣，而當我走了出去以後，換來的代價其實是再抓不回來的心－－自己的心。即使有緣再次感到那心跳，也不能走回頭，那代價比任何物質上的還要大。上回文章附上的歌/MV，就是關於這種代價吧！

我還是鼓勵別人去追尋夢想，因為那追尋的心定能帶來動力，又無論過程有多艱辛，都總能走過去。不過，與此同時，若決定了去追，就不要回頭，想也不要想，只管往前走，就是了。真的不要想回頭。

外面的世界。（上）

整個晚上，只是迷迷糊糊的睡了又醒，醒了又睡。眼睛癢得很，令人難以入睡。結果，星期一的早上醒來，回覆了好友的「星期一SMS」，又去睡了。一會後，醒來覺得眼還痛，湊巧這天的天氣很好，陽光猛烈，實不敢外出，於是決定爽約，不出席中午的飯局，在家好好休息。

怎知，本打算下午留在家完成工作，寫好文章交稿去，結果在家悶悶不樂，寫不出字來。最終還是硬要出去，心想也許出去走一趟，順道在晴天下喝杯啤酒，會好一點呢！

不過，話雖如此，因為有點喉嚨痛，還是不喝凍的好了。多忍一天，看看情況如何，再算吧。於是，走到了中央圖書館，找個望海的位置，坐下來專心寫文。可惜，寫了幾字，進展緩慢。

收館了，我依然不想回家去，到附近找了家咖啡店，點了甜點和咖啡，就在那裡，繼續留字。

期間，傳了短訊問候好友。來回轉了幾個短訊，忽爾引來關於生活的對話。晚上十時，好友還在公司，未收工。好友說這是一種妥協（Compromise），是服從(Obedience)。工作跟生活成了對立的個體：工作可以帶來工資和升職的機會，要放棄的是夜間的私人生活，不用相約三五知己，亦不用奢想跟家人一起晚膳宿。

妥協。到底誰跟誰妥協？是工作跟生活要作出妥協？還是自己的內心要來一場角力，最後自己跟自己妥協，繼而決定放棄自主的生活，追求工作所能帶來的金錢和地位？

服從。到底我需要服從誰的指領？社會的？世俗的？父母的？誰來定那些要我服從的規條？

這些問題，其實心裡早就問過自己。今天，我給自己的答案是：我要先盡我所能去爭取自主的生活，從新定出那「妥協」的界線；我要服從的並非任何社會或世俗規條，而是自己定下來的規約。

猜十年前的自己，根本沒想過甚麼叫妥協，或服從。就是字典裡沒有這些詞彙。作為商學院的畢業生，曾經是交換生，又曾代表商學院到外地參加商業企劃比賽，雖然不是一等榮譽畢業，但成績單上的字母分數，不是A，就是B（其實，曾經有一個C，不過為了不讓這分數計算在總積分，我特意多讀一科，剔除了那一個C）。這樣的經歷足以讓我覺得畢業後於跨國企業工作，是理所當然。順利成章，長時間的工作，要到外國公幹，不能在家吃晚飯，也都是理所當然。誰來說妥協？誰來說服從？那時覺得，生活就是那樣呀！

直至身體的警號響起來，又因為多出外看過後，就發現，生活真的是那樣子嗎？我的字典開始多增了那兩組詞。自己開始退下來，問我想要的生活是怎樣？

寫到這裡，想起一首歌，在此先分享。明天繼續寫下集。

***

平靜。

***
常覺得香港沒有寧靜的時刻。到處都是那樣的熱鬧，而且不分日與夜。

香港確實是我的家，這裡有我的家人，我的書，陪伴我成長的一草一木，還有學校，朋友，美酒，工作。我認該很愛我的家。然而，每一次病的時候，我就不禁想離開我的家，到遠方去。

在遠方，我不用別人担心自己，不會讓家人朋友看見我病的樣子；亦可以吃一頓好的和喝點酒，而不用家人猜想我病的時候還在外飲飲食食；相信若能遠走，我多會想離開電腦和各樣的電子通訊儀器，更不會時時刻刻在FACEBOOK留言，大慨離開以前，只用在FACEBOOK留言：「花花要去流浪了，一切安好。別掛。」

雖說「在家千日好」，但回港一個星期後，又無端病倒，實在令人有點感慨，離家遠走，帶著大背包四處走，反而比現在更健健康康，沒病沒痛，又不覺疲累，睡在HOSTEL的床，竟比在家的床還要睡得好；回來後，又習慣不了這兒的天氣，不出一個月又開始有點氣管敏感和頭痛。

好友早前留言說心在那裡，家就在那裡。對我而言，猜我的家是個讓我可以平平靜靜生活的地方，可以健健康康，開開心心就是了。也許最重要的是：無牽無掛。

右眼紅腫，有如一隻剛烚熟了的雞蛋。（續集）

媽回家，看見我的紅腫眼睛，頗担心。只是，担心不來，醫生看過了，葯也吃了，亦塗了葯膏，會好的。

然後，媽問我要不要用雞蛋「碌」下。聽罷，我想，那不是散瘀的方法麼？然而，我隨即想起那是「驅風」吧！我回應說：「媽，妳覺得因為有風呀？咁駛唔駛加條銀錬呀？」

媽說：「係囉，不過要純銀喎。」

***
話說完了，我沒回應。再沒心情了，午睡休息過後，眼不見有消腫，還開始有點頭痛（可能沒關係，但就是感到眼痛，隱約之間，連頭也在痛一般）。

不過，那種「銀錬雞蛋驅風法」，是誰教我的呢？何以我能跟媽對答如流，談這方法呢？

右眼紅腫，有如一隻剛烚熟了的雞蛋。

***

於星期五的假期，到了姊的家跟六個月大的外甥嬉戲，玩了一整天，加上搭巴士上山落山的兜轉彎路，搞得人有點迷糊。然後，又發現有不少外甥的相片未整理，夜半三更，還在搞... ... 就這樣，我決定餘下來的晚上和星期六的早上好好休息，下午再好好工作。

怎料...

星期六的早上，忽然覺得右眼很痛。本想多睡一會，但真的睡不著。起來照鏡，差點驚叫出來。右眼紅腫得很，過了一會，還有點刺痛。看看鐘，猜想醫生還未下班，決定先去看醫生。

平日，我可沒那樣緊張，但因為下個星期是美酒展的重要時刻，而我又答應出席某活動，還要上台客串其中的一個環節。於是，二話不說，就動身到附近的醫務所去。

我到抵醫務所的時候，登記台的護士跟我說要多等個多小時左右。沒法子，眼真的又紅又痛，就等等吧。結果，在那裡，我等呀等，一邊看書一邊等... ... 手上拿著的一本書購自澳洲，但內容是關於七十年代的燈塔管理人員的工作和日常生活。一邊看，我就一邊在暗笑。

心想，這叫偷得浮生半日閒嗎？無端端眼痛，讓我離開電腦，走在這裡來等侯，給我時間看書... ...

***
等呀等，終於到我了。

走進醫生的房間，除下了眼鏡，醫生一看見我的眼睛，竟問我「起咗幾多日呀？」

我說，「今朝醒嗰時囉，兩個鐘左右啩。都發得好快。咩事呀，醫生？」

醫生看了一下，繼說：「你合埋眼，等我睇下，但係你上眼皮腫到咁，可能反唔到眼皮睇咩事，試吓先。」

「你係咪用MASCARA，又或者有咩化粧品入咗眼，定係你捽眼呀？」

聽到這裡，定了神一會，真的想了一想，到底昨天做了甚麼呢？（答案）到了外甥那無污染的家，我沒化粧，沒有用MASCARA，更戴上有框眼鏡，不戴隠形眼鏡，讓眼睛休息... 勤洗手，跟外甥嬉戲，叫外甥不要捽眼... 然後想起，早幾個星期，好友的眼睛有細菌感染，我同樣地跟他說不要捽眼... ...

算吧，不多想了，反正現在眼紅了，腫了！跟醫生說了一聲「沒有。」，就罷了。

接下來跟醫生對談了一會...

醫生說:「我會開啲抗生素(antibiotics)俾你，食五日，記住食晒喎。」

我的反應是：「五日？咁飲唔飲得酒呀？」

醫生聽罷，本來在寫字的她抬起頭看了我一眼，似乎有點疑惑，若有所思。

「我下個星期要試酒，點都會飲啲，食呢隻抗生素，飲得酒呀？」我還是不理她的目光，依然要追問。心想，下個星期美酒展，加上要出席晚上的宴會，星期四的那一場，更要是海鮮宴... ...

「呢隻，都唔怕，飲得既。戒口呢方面，西醫都冇咩話唔食得，不過，中醫就話蝦蟹嗰啲，唔好食喇，咁你可以避，咪唔好食囉。」

（這一刻，我腦海裡只浮現出星期四試菜的影像－－Lobster bisque & king prawn!!下個星期四，還會再吃呢！）

最後一聲「哦，唔該晒醫生」，我就走了。

***
離開醫務所，我亦不禁反思一下，若非為工作，其實我是否不會記掛著能否在療治期間，又食葯又飲酒呢？正如幾天前，好友留言，說我朝日暈倒，晚上不去酒局，會死嗎？

接著，跟好友通電話，覺得有點可笑，早前才跟好友說要小心，還笑說他像我的小外甥捽眼吧！？怎知，兩個星期後，我竟然也「中招」。

更有趣的是，另一位好友看見我FACEBOOK的留言，致電問候。那料，我跟她說早前那關於「捽眼」的對話，她笑說「呢啲咪叫報應囉。」

那邊廂，我在想，明明在家在港，何以又無端端病起來，要看醫生。跟姊說我眼紅眼腫，她還問我「係咪食錯嘢，敏感呀？」，我只啞口無言，「乖乖哋」吃了一天「住家飯」，沒酒沒味精，又怎會「食錯嘢，敏感」呢？

總之，担心不來，這個週末好好休養就是了。

（希望那不會有反效果... 每次打算好好在家休息放假，決心不外出，像是「反常」一般，身體總會出現毛病。邪！出走時，沒事；離家飲飲食食，沒事。越想越覺得好笑。）

A kind of distance (II)

（Continued）

I believed there are quite some kinds of interaction between man and woman. Some of those are just superficial, not really 'friends'; some of those are really friends, they talk whatever they feel like, could be just something out of imagination or something about reality, all the sharings are really from deep inside their hearts; others are couples who would eventually get married.



I know friends who are quite into each other. They talk whatever, share all the laughter and tears. Yet, they wouldn't go with each other even though they both felt some kind of 'connection' in between. They know for sure that they could only be friends for the rest of their lives.

Actually, I once asked my friend, why that could happen. Why keeping that distance, and not just go closer to each other & stay together? -- that's the thought 10 years ago.

Today, 10 years later, my mind has changed after some life experiences about health, work, family, and relationship. I found it's sometimes good indeed to keep some distance away from somebody. Just not to let the relationship go further...



Once I thought that's either because one is not confident at walking rest of life together, or just doesn't have that courage. Later, I realized that there could be mutual understanding between them. And there is somehow a taste of love indeed.


In fact, such taste of love could be two feel a great sense of connection. Probably love doesn't mean that two have to go together, get married, and live together; even if two get married, it doesn't mean that there is true love between them.

P.S. Some friends did leave me messages after I wrote a quick line about 'a kind of distance' on facebook. One sugggested me listening to a song, another was mentioning a movie.

I listened to the song, and felt it's more about someone passed away, the partner could no longer hear his/ her breathe. All he/she could do is to feel the 'zero distance' in heart... whilst in the movie, it seemed to tell even two are together, they could be far apart from each other at heart.

Well, I think both of these are different from that kind of distance in my mind. The one I have in mind doesn't make people sad or regret. The distance is making a truly loving relationship. It makes two get even closer, and the relationship last forever.

＊＊＊
At the 'wine + food tasting' afternoon, I was looking at the glass on the table next to me, and the sunset. There, I felt like seeing that kind of distance. It's reachable, but you just don't wanna catch it...

一種距離。（下）

（續）

一男與一女之間，可以存在著很多各式各樣的相處方式。有些流於表面的交情，或可說得上只是泛泛之交；有些則是很要好的，無所不談，不著邊際之間，卻又可以談現實，分享幾乎最心底裡的說話，那是莫逆之交；有些或是男女間的互相傾慕，情投意合，最終成為情侶，終成眷屬。

遇見過的是，他跟她是那樣的投緣，說說笑笑，無所不談。雖說不上傾慕，但彼此之間就是有著某種的牽引。然而，二個人都心知對方不是「那一位」，亦清楚明白大家永遠只能是要好的朋友。

記得曾經問過某好友，何以會這樣。是甚麼讓那種緣份停留在那兒，要是能夠讓大家都走近一點，不就可以「開花結果」嗎？－－那是幾近十年前的想法。

十年過後，自己像是走過了人生的好幾個關卡，無論是健康、工作、家庭、愛情也好，似乎很多生活上的點點滴滴都起了變化，包括心裡對於這些一切的感受與看法。原來有時，一個人會寧願那距離永遠存在於自己與那個人之間，不讓關係發展下去，繼而有一天變成走在一起的愛情。

我曾經以為那是因為其中一方沒有信心一起走，又或是沒有勇氣走下去。到了今天，我發現他與她之間可以存在著一種別人難以理解的默契，而且當中也可以有著那愛情的味道。

那種愛情的味道更可以比真的能夠走在一起的，來得更加細膩。實在，愛情不一定等於兩個人要走在一起；能夠走在一起的，也不一定是存在著那種窩心的愛情。

後記：早前好友見到我說「一種距離」，有的著我聽某一首歌，有的提到電影。我聽罷歌曲，覺得那是其中一方遠走他方，留下來的就只能從心感受那「零距離」，不能再靠近那呼吸聲... 那邊廂的電影，則似是說兩個人即使就在身旁，卻好像相隔十萬八千里。

我說那些都不是我心想的那一種距離。今天腦海裡有著的「一種距離」，不存在那種悲傷或遺憾，取而代之的是令人會心微笑的真摰關係。距離，反而讓他們走得更近；距離，鎖住了那情誼，直到永遠。

＊＊＊
那個「試飲試食」的下午，看著維港前的日落和枱上的一隻酒杯，我恍惚看見那「一種距離」。觸手可及，但你寧願不前去抓著它... ...

A kind of distance (I)

Sometimes, you'd prefer keeping a bit distance away from somebody...

***
Have been wanting to write this piece 'A kind of distance' for a few days. However, I was just too busy - busy out there in the day, and busy at home in the evening. And I just slept for like 4 hours a day, making me so tired and not having the mood to write. Just don't feel like looking at anything, not reading, not thinking, and not writing. Although I know I've got lots of words to say, lots of things to write, just simply NO - I need some rest.

Then a week is gone, and it's going to be a public holiday on Friday. Long weekend is here!! On this Thursday, I would like to take a break, and work hard again tomorrow.

That's why I feel like writing again.

I was pretty busy on the day before holiday. My schedule was packed with meetings. Luckily, one of the meeting was actually a 'food + wine tasting'. While I was there at the restaurant for the long meeting, I got the chance to see the sunset, and the nightview of the Victoria Harbour. Probably that's good - bit relaxing time out of busy work!

After all the work, I felt like if I went straight back home - I would be thinking about work at the end. So, I decided, I should go out for a while, and have bit rest (of mind). I ended up heading to Central.

Coincident, my dear friend was in Central, AND I was having a bottle of red wine in hand...

Finally, we went to an old friend's 'private kitchen', ordered some bites, and we started drinking! We chatted and chatted... and our conversation made me feel like starting this 'A kind of distance'.

(To be continued)

At the 'food & wine tasting', I got wines with great food, plus the wonderful 188-degree harbourview. Not to miss - there was the sunset & night view. That is the relaxing moment out of the busy time.

一種距離。（上）

有時，你寧願那距離永遠存在於自己與那個人之間... ...

***
早幾天，已有意動筆寫這一篇「一種距離」。然而，事與願違，忙了好幾天，日晝在外忙，晚上在家忙，結果每天只睡四個小時左右，再沒意思寫作，只是想不看不讀不想不寫。即使明知心裡有很多的話，很多的字，也不願騰出一點時間來動筆。

大半個星期又過去，湊巧星期五是公眾假期，星期四的這個晚上，實不想再衝了，就讓自己好好休息一下，明天再努力。

於是，又開始動筆寫作。

放假前的一天，忙得很。會議排得密密麻麻，慶幸的是其中的一個會議，實是「試酒試菜」，剛巧遇上日落，又因為談了很久，於是還可以欣賞到晚上的維港景色，算是百忙之中的一點閒吧！一天的忙碌過後，實不想就此回家去，自知作為一個工作狂，工作過後就立刻回家，最後只會把工作的思潮也帶回家，於是決定到中環走一趟。

到了中環，發現好友也在中環，而我手上還抱著一枝紅酒... ...

最後，到了舊朋友的一家私房餐廳，點了些小吃，喝起酒來，談了好一會。

對話讓我想再執筆寫這一篇「一種距離」。

（待續）

這個下午的「試食試酒」會議，就是那樣過去了。酒與美食，連188度全海景，加送日落和夜景。百忙之中的閒，就是這樣。

幸福的笑容。

星期六的酒聚，點了來自意大利薩丁島的白酒。不是甚麼名貴高級的白酒，但那白酒給我帶來意大利的風情。

想著意國，想著位於歐洲某角落的燈塔，想著我的美酒佳餚，想著一望無際的葡萄園... 我不禁從心裡笑了出來。然後，好友說「我看見妳那幸福的笑容」。

＊＊＊
常聽到關於幸福的字句，例如「幸福要靠自己爭取」、「幸福非必然」等等。總覺得這些字句讓人以為一個人跟幸福有著一些距離，幸褔不在眼前－不是因為未爭取得到，就是幸福很易會擦身而過，而且多數是當幸福走了，才讓一個人發現自己曾經是多麼的幸福。

其實，放開一點去看個人的生活，無論當中有幾多苦悶，或者種種的不如意事，總有很多細節是值得我們去多花點時間，開懷去感受一下自己所擁有的一切，那不就是幸福嗎？

有時覺得，跟幸福的距離，只是人所製造出來的一種幻覺。是在那所謂「現實帶來的壓力」影響下，人會不期然覺得自己並非活在幸福當中。尤其覺得城市人特別容易產生這種幻覺，生活的節奏快，工作的環境又未必讓人可以得到好好的休息時間，更甚的是連作息的時間也可能被加時工作拿走了。最後得到的是疲憊和沉重，而它們很易使人忘卻了自己其實身處在幸福裡。

猜自己心裡都有著某些沉重，身驅亦隱藏著疲憊的警號，但每一次當我看見自己擁有的一切：曾經有過的愛情、對工作的熱忱、對葡萄酒的鍾愛、不斷追求知識的熱情、繼續出走的理想、跟我一起放縱的好友們、實踐夢想的意志和給我空間去發展的家人等等，就會覺得自己很幸福。

Finally, I started writing.

Since I came back from Australia almost 3 weeks ago, I have been trying to adjust my life back to 'normal'. It's all about adjusting the pace, the view on life, and the view of wines.

Probably because this trip was mainly for learning purpose, and most of the itinerary was not under my control. So, selecting what I like & what I'd prefer to write out of the whole lot of information I got was just... HUGE LOAD OF WORK!

Also, as my itinerary was so well-planned, and I got a very tight schedule, I didn't really get a very good sense of location when I was there. Not to miss, all my mind was with the wines - the taste, vinegrowing, winemaking, the philosophies from the masters...

Basically, everything just was mixed all together after my journey of 17 days.

Well, but on the other hand, I should be happy about this. I bet all those actually tell my trip was such a fruitful and meaningful one. In fact, what I've gained from the trip was bit more than what I was expecting before.

Finally, after the 3 weeks of adjustment, I got my body more used to where I am now. I also got my mind put together, and I could write in Chinese by now!

So now, I can start writing - putting down everything in my wine journal & travel journal.

The green under sunshine

Thanks for my devil-angel friend's invitation to go out for a drink on this Saturday night. Not going to Central which is just close-by, we went to Tsim Sha Tsui across the Victoria Harbour.

So there I was walking to the pier in Central, then I took the ferry.

I like taking ferry. Just simply because I felt happy to see the harbourview, and enjoy the seabreeze. And ferry is not that 'automatic' as compared to other transportation means in town. I chose to go on the lower deck. There I could hear the sound of the engine, smell the gas from the machine room, plus see what the sailors do there. Somehow interesting indeed.

Across the harbour, we went to a bar where we could see the full harbourview. All I could see were the buildings in fog, and the colorful lights. Looking at those, I asked my friends what the people in there could see - would it be just the fog?

All a sudden, I felt these buildings were like strangers to me. On the other hand, the fog made me feel so bored.

I could remember the foggy morning overseas, but sunrise would have got the fog away. Fog would be replaced by the sunshine. However, in Hong Kong, I just felt the humidity and the boredom only.

The foggy night also reminded me of the sunshine after rain in Australia a few weeks ago. Also, the green under sunshine indeed.

I love blue. I love green, too.

陽光下的綠油油

星期六的晚上，集魔鬼與天使於一身的好友相邀酒聚。這回，沒到那近在咫尺的中環，反到了對岸的尖沙咀。

於是，飯後，踱步到了中環碼頭，坐渡輪過海。

喜歡坐渡輪過海，一來是覺得坐渡輪既可以讓我看見維多利亞港兩岸的景色，又可以吹吹風，二來它沒其他交通工具那樣自動化。我選擇了坐下層，還聽到機械的聲音，嗅到機房的味道和看見水手人員在泊船的時候所做的工作，別有一番風味。

到了對岸，找了家可以看到全海景的酒館。眼前的盡是濃霧中的高樓大厦，和五光十色的燈。望著望著，我不禁問好友們，到底在那高樓中，是否只見到濃霧，其他甚麼也看不見呢？

忽然間，我覺得那些高樓很陌生。濃霧亦令我覺得有點悶納。

記得外國也有濃霧，但每次我看見的時候都是晨曦初露之時，不一會太陽出來，霧氣就會散去，換來的是陽光所帶來的朝氣。然而，在香港的霧只讓我感到潮濕的天氣和揮之不去的悶氣。

這個晚上的濃霧亦使我回想起幾個星期前看見的雨後陽光，還有陽光下的綠油油。

我愛藍，也愛綠。

I saw the untouchable dream.

It was quite a weird day today.
Or I should say it has been quite a weird week.

These days, I had quite some chats around
with friends, with family, and people whom I have not met for some time as we were all too busy.

We talked, we shared -
about happiness, excitement, childhood memories, work, love,
moody moments, laughter with tears, sadness with smile...

Then,
I found that I have been away for lot of time,
I wasn't here by their side.
Perhaps I knew it for long time,
but still - I wanted to go out and see the BIG BIG WORLD.
I wanted to take a deep breathe out there, and see if the smell is the same;
I wanted to see the sky, and have a look at how blue it is.

Today, I am here.
I was listening to the stories from my friends,
hearing the voices from my family,
and the scream from my little baby nephew.

I AM HERE.
I am ready to devote all my energy to work, family, love, friends, passions...

BUT, The thought of 'I AM HERE' made me feel weird this week.
Why was that - I have been thinking of going away as far as I can,
how come all a sudden I would say 'I am here'?
I asked myself.

Then today, I got the answer when I sent my friend a text message.
I was telling him that 'I saw the untouchable dream'.

I realized that I am only PHYSICALLY here, but
my mind is there with 'the untouchable dream'.

'The untouchable dream' has always been in mind probably.
However, it's just a dream - without any form,
not even something you could describe in words,
and you just can't touch it, hold it, or see it.

But today,
I felt like I saw it - 'the untouchable dream'.
Seeing that made me think it has become reachable.
Perhaps that is the reason for 'why I am here?'.

To reach the dream,
I have to be here, keep going,
and keep moving forward.
And, simply devote all my energy to work, family, love, friends, passions...

Then one day, a dream will no longer be just a dream.
I will be able to touch the dream.
In fact, I will be living there forever, because I have it realized!

A Brand New Page

Finally migrated all the Facebook pages and all those from other blogs to this brand new page. Just felt like I have to take one more step closer to getting back on track.

It has been a really long vacation I had since almost like a year ago. During this time, I felt myself bit stuck, and simply was not moving forward on my career path. Perhaps because of the previous job and some personal matters, I couldn't really find myself back on the track and not as courageous as I used to be. Luckily, I got the support from my friends and family. That gave me some space to think and find out where I am & what I want.

I wasn't really working for the past year, just some part-time jobs. I could feel the disappointment deep inside, making me bit upset. I thought I did the best for my work, and tried my best to be true to everyone. Yet, in return, all I got were some misunderstandings and accusation. Although feeling disappointed and upset, I believe I couldn't take everything personal. I have to see what has happened, if there was anything I did wrong, and why it happened that way.

On the other hand, I thought I could be more focused, work all the best towards my job. Unfortunately, I got to go back to the sea out there... ...

Probably again, I was lucky. I heard the voice from heart, I learnt to do the best I can to keep myself in good shape, continue doing my best, and keep going. Plus, I believed the feeling of disappointment will go away eventually. I also learnt to understand things from different perspectives. With the different experiences, everyone would see things in a different way anyhow. All I can do is to respect others, understand how they handle matters in hand, and offer the best to most people I could.

I actually spent quite some effort to get away from that kind of upset feeling, and build up myself again. No matter it's because of myself, my friends & family, and my future. All I got to do is NOT to give up - myself, my career and my dream.

At first, it seemed like I didn't do much for the past year. In fact, I started building my teaching experience for the long-run; I successfully organized the Annual Dinner for my university alumni association, which has got almost 200 guests joining the dinner. I learnt quite a lot from this experience - about life and work, and I gained really valuable friendship. I also continued spending time for my Wine Diploma Studies. And I got the Scholarship to go abroad to Australia for further wine studies and winery visit.

Most important, I felt like I have picked up the faith and strength which I once had. On top, I got some kind of refreshing feeling in heart. That's why I made my brand new page with the refreshing mood, through the blue sky and the green.

全新版面。

終於完成大業，把所有FACEBOOK和舊日的日誌搬遷到這個新版面。想是多踏一步，希望可以把舊日的零碎重整吧！

有感自己很放肆地給了自己一個悠長假期，幾近長達一整年了。這一年間，我覺得自己有點呆滯，仕途亦有點停滯不前。猜是因為舊工作和一些私人事，讓我沒法子完全重拾，尋回當年勇。慶幸的是，多得好友們的支持和家人的體諒，讓我有那空間去尋找真我和理想。

一年來，沒正式的工作，又覺得有點悶氣。心知悶氣是來自失望，覺得即使認真投入去做好我職務上所涉及的工作和真心待人，也可以換來別人的指責和誤解。相信凡事兩面看，我花了好一些時間去反思，問自己是否做得不夠好，那些地方出錯，到底是甚麼帶來那樣的結局... ...

除了失望，還有點感傷。以為能夠好好專心做好自己，做好工作，最後竟又回到那大海之中... ...

幸而在大海浮沉的同時，我還聽得見心裡的聲音，懂得堅持做好自己，相信能夠做好自己，短時間的失落總會過去。另外，我亦學會了放開，和明白不同的人，各自有個人的經歷，於是有不同的判斷力，對不同的事情又會有自己的意見和處理手法。我只能尊重別人，反思自己的處事方法，希望可以盡量做到最好，配合各方面的要求。

這些時間以來，我用了不少力氣去驅走那些悶氣，重新建立自己，為了自己也好，為了家人朋友也好，就是相信自己絕不能放棄，不能因為一事意氣，放棄理想與事業。

一年過去，看似沒做過甚麼，然而，我正式開始建立教學經驗；完成了大學校友會那近二百人的週年晚宴，從中學到了很多做人處世的道理，還得到寶貴的友情；又繼續努力攻讀葡萄酒文憑課程，得到奬學金遠赴澳洲遊酒莊和了解更多關於葡萄酒及品酒的技巧。

更重要的是，我找回曾經擁有的意志和毅力之餘，還得到今天心澄所帶來的清新感覺。就這樣，我以藍天青草作為全新版面的主題，寓意個人也有著那清爽的感覺。

說不出來的，就是最耐人尋味。

畢卡索的名畫以天價拍賣成功。

再次讀到關於他的生平和那一幅畫背後的故事，
又令人想起當年到位於巴塞隆納的畢卡索博物館朝聖的經驗。

小時候認識的畢卡索作品，
只有他怪怪的畫，
眼耳口鼻亂成一團的就是畢卡索。

後來，真的對藝術起了興趣，
才學會多了解藝術家背後的故事，
和他們所作的藝術品到底表達了甚麼。

不過，說得上是真正感受他的一生和作品背後的故事，
是那年到畢卡索博物館。
我發現他不就等於亂成一團的面孔，
於不同時期的畢卡索有自己不同時期的風格和獨特之處。

我未必是一位懂得欣賞和評價藝術的人，
然而，想真正的藝術也不一定要用同一樣的審美眼光去看。
從不同的各度去欣賞事物，才是我最渴望可以做到的事。
於是，藝術變得個人化，
說到底，藝術不就是發自內心，最真，沒保留，沒掩飾的嗎？
而作為藝術創作者，不就是想表達某些思潮情感，
又透過欣賞者的共鳴來吸引志同道合的人麼？

最後，我猜今時今日，藝術所蘊含的所謂價值，
是源自那不是透過語言來表達的情感。
在人類學會了說話以後，
說出來，就被認為是明白了，懂得了，
更會慢慢變成了「理所當然的明明白白」。

那種說不出來的，耐人尋味而又觸摸不到的，
漸漸地，這就成了我們在這個時代，
於說話溝通以外，最渴望想得到的。
只是，這種渴望，並不一定可以捉得住，
結果那變得更耐人尋味，亦更引人入勝。

人生，就是那樣，
說得出的未必一定就是真實和真理，
說不出來的，卻又可能是最真最深的。
能否抓緊那說不出來的最真感受，
想只有讀者閣下才可定奪。

猜我從來都沒抓緊過，
只是每當我遇上那無言的感受與思潮，
我都會把那觸感化成影象或文字，
記下來，分享也好，他日自己再緬懷也好，
都是記錄著某程度的存在價值 - 我的存在和真心活過的價值。

***
畢卡索並不是我最喜歡的一位，
我依然是鍾情於我的那個以雕塑為代表作的藝術家。

湊巧，我在澳洲的時候，
參觀博物館，又再遇上他的作品，
感覺特別親切。

送上羅丹的雕塑@National Gallery of Australia：
Auguste Rodin (France, 1840-1917)
(Left) Nude study for Jean de Fiennes from The burghers of Calais c. 1885 - 1886
(Right) Nude study for Jean d'Aire from The burghers of Calais 1885 - 1886

[both cast 1974 by Georges Rudier Foundry, Paris]

十年後的重遇。（致：有緣讀我這篇文章的中學同學）

今日下午，獨自到咖啡館，坐了一會，想了一會。

期間，忽然想起一班舊朋友。原來，大家分別已有十年之久。雖有的只透過FACEBOOK/MSN 間中閒話幾句，甚至其實連閒聊也沒有，只間中見到大家UPDATE FACEBOOK，知道大家安好，不見也沒要緊。

就在想起這之際，手指蠢蠢欲動，於是，拿起了筆，就畫起畫來。一畫就畫了廿五隻。之後，我心想，不知牠們有多少前人流落於過去十年的坊間呢？猜牠們不是還沉醉在物理的世界，就是化學或生物科的世界... ...

星期六的一個（啤）酒晚上。

或許好友沒發現，其實我對任何酒精類飲料也有著無限的興趣。
我接觸的酒精，不一定是葡萄酒，啤酒也可。

星期六的晚上，來了一回短短兩句鐘的啤酒之聚。

跟好友談了不少。
也許對於某些相談到的，
自己有太多（或過多）的主觀意見，望好友見諒。

離開酒館往電車站的路途和等車的時候，
好友送來幾個題問，
不期然令我回想起舊日某某跟我的一些對話。

全沒意思要作比較，
亦不存在任何的禁忌。
只是人生的歷程之中，
總有一些時刻或某些對話，
會牽動一些回憶。

深信回憶重現腦海不等於留戀，
又若是真的留戀，
猜留戀的也只是曾經有過的一種感覺和一份親切，
並非單純是因為一位某某。

說不上當自己再不眷戀跟那某某一起擁有過的感覺和親切，
就會有新的生活，眼前的所有將會變成另一番景象。

好友相問的話題，我曾經跟某某談說過，
我記得當時的回應，亦記得往後我對這話題的想法如何漸漸改變。
不排除有天另一位某某會再次讓我改變，
但相信這一刻，我有自己認為更重要的事情要辦，
決心沒變，定要先辦好眼前的。

無論是為活在今天，為活得更好的明天，
又甚至是為自己，為昨天的某某或未來的某某，
結論還是一樣，
決心沒變，定要先辦好眼前的。

後記：
跟好友於電車站前的一席話，
亦令我回想起舊日的絲絲點點，
原來我沒有因為愛情而改變了自己，
但我確曾因為愛而學會了遷就，
學會了放低自己，
去開懷欣賞某某喜歡而我不太明白的嗜好。

酒的一個晚上。(續）

酒的一個晚上，就那樣過去了。
一如以往，醒來又開始工作。

似乎經過一個「星期五之夜」，
生活又回到了「原來」，
我開始寫中文，暢如流水般寫著；
再開始食無定時，下午三時才感肚餓，繼而發現醒來以還後未進食；
同時開始覺得不喜歡回到自己家的床睡，
最好去沙灘，又或者草地。

然後，早上的一段電話對話，
讓我發現在酒醉之外，自己還有著那雄心壯志，
再全情投入工作和積極備戰酒試，
為未來每一年也可以走訪酒莊和綠田園作打算，
希望為往後做農夫的目標鋪路。

又多得好友提醒，
當年曾許下卻並未實踐的承諾：「好友＠五十萬豪華遊」。
沒忘記，定會兌現那承諾。（等我呀！）

接著下午的一段對話，
帶給我無限的思潮，定下了未來幾個酒宴派對的主題。

之後，又記起好友昨晚深宵夜半的SMS，
使我想起某年以前的失眠夜，
還有一個人在外看星空的夜晚... ...

有趣的是，在回覆好友的SMS之後，
跟新相識的朋友談了很多很久，
當中有酒談，也有生活閒談，
我提起自己的工作與個人理念所造就的一些小衝突，
她接著說：「咁妳一定好辛苦。」
我只笑了，續說，我想我應付得來。

想自己今天算得上是站在人生路上的中轉站，
對於人生/事業/工作/感情/家庭... 有著不少疑問，
卻同時認為再沒太多時間讓我去猶豫多想。

也許，
又因為發現有著那樣多的疑問，
但沒怎麼有時間，
於是讓我決定修心不多想，
要做的，就好好去做，
不能再浪費一分一秒呢！

猜今天最重要的是，
好好地工作，發展所長，
同時分配時間，工作以外，也要好好玩樂，
好好休息，好好注意健康，還有好好繼續遊玩於世界各國。

酒的一個晚上

前奏：雖然真的很睏，但還是先把腦海所想記下，怕明早起來，一切化為烏有。

＊＊＊
好一個晚上。

多得好友款待，能夠繼續我那「不用多想，只管吃喝」的旅遊餘震。
相信好友們也感應得到，我的「JET LAG」問題非常嚴重。

基本上，我於晚上九時許，
就開始「放蚊」，直至凌晨一點多，還是那樣。

找不到一個原因，何以事情會演變到那個地步，
只是事實如是，我也沒得否認。
這趟澳洲之旅像是改變了我。

卑利街的好友問我是否有豔遇，
同時其他的朋友也相繼問我是否出了點亂子。
實在，我不太清楚怎樣回應。
甚麼也沒有，既沒有豔遇，亦沒出了甚麼亂子，
只是忽然對人生有著另一點看法而已。

這一個晚上，又回到那親切的地方，
再次走到那我認為是特別高的天空下，
感覺依然如是。
還是覺得人生苦短，
到底平日生活的營營役役，
為了甚麼呢？

說到底，是真的因為那澳洲之旅，
而我作出了改變。
還是那旅程讓我有機會再次問一下自己，
其實想過怎樣的生活！？

品嚐了那些白酒和TEQUILA，
我只想起那句「人生得意須盡歡」。
謹此多謝好友們的相伴，
讓我可以嘗試回到往日的世界。

不過，我看還要好一段時間，
才能完全「康復」。

也許好友的自家製意大利飯，
又或是美酒一頓，好友的甜品宴，
可以帶我回到自身屬於的世界。

現在，只可以等，
同時繼續好好享受美酒佳餚帶來的樂趣。

爱莲说

As promised, to my new wine friend:

爱莲说　(北宋）周敦颐 （yí）
　　水陆草木之花，可爱者甚蕃。晋陶渊明独爱菊；自李唐来，世人甚爱牡丹；予独爱莲之出淤泥而不染，濯清涟而不妖，中通外直，不蔓不枝，香远益清，亭亭净植，可远观而不可亵玩焉。
　　予谓菊，花之隐逸者也；牡丹，花之富贵者也；莲，花之君子者也。噫！菊之爱，陶后鲜有闻。莲之爱，同予者何人？牡丹之爱，宜乎众矣！

** My interpretation will follow soon. Too sleepy now... have to go ZzzZzzzzzzz... **

澳洲的天空，特別廣。

記得年前寫過一篇「卑利街的天空，特別高」。
那是為了紀念跟好友們共聚的美好時光，
還有好友在卑利街一角的另一片天地。

雖不算走遍世界，
但也算得上曾經離開過我的家，
出走到過地球上的其他角落，
依然覺得香港卑利街的天空是最高的。

找到了最高的，就想找最廣的。
年前到歐洲，覺得那兒的天空很廣，
猶記得搭火車經過那一大片的太陽花田，
向上看見的天空，是那樣廣呀！

怎料，我最近終於有機會到澳洲走一趟，
去看看那兒的天空，和親吻那兒的空氣。
親身到過那兒，看過了，
才發現澳洲的天空，比太陽花田上的歐洲天空還要廣得多。

在澳洲十多天的日子裡，
幾乎每一天都是那樣，呆著看天空。
不用抬頭看，只要向前看，那就是天。
晚上也只要向前看，就會看見繁星和月亮，
甚麼「月亮高高掛」，實在談不上，
月亮就在眼前，恍惚觸手可及。

又一次，看過日出，用過早點，
我躺在草地上，轉身看看左，再轉身看看右，
又看看上面，都依然覺得那藍天廣得很，沒有邊際。
加上那兒是位於一個小山丘之山，
望開去的不只是一望無際，還高高在上！

回港了，再沒有推開門就看見的藍天，
我又被困在高樓大廈群之中。
以往回來後，沒有那樣嚴重的「JET LAG」，
也沒有於回來後數天，還是覺得「電梯」有點像怪物，
走了進去，好像是給吞噬了，再走不出來。
這次，有點「反常」，
快兩個星期，還是覺得自己在澳洲的時鐘下，
活在那邊的生活習慣當中，
包括離開城市過的「沒有電梯的生活」。

雖然（問心亦無意隱瞞）我依然對歐洲情有獨鍾，
因為她的藝術與歷史，時間是最不爭的事實，
澳洲沒法子追得到。

不過，這次旅程，讓我有機會欣賞到澳洲的獨特，
和只有她才能夠擁有的氣質。
若真的要找到這趟旅程最大的收獲，
未必一定是關於酒學（當然，關於酒學的，也很豐富），
而是我原來也很愛大自然。

這令我進一步深信，有天我定能成為好農夫，
種葡萄去，並繼續好好享受我的美酒人生。

Dare to make a difference?

Looking there at the sky in front of me,
I was stunned.

Seeing the clouds move, and then move away, disappear.
All made me feel interesting.
Of course, all everything could be explained in a scientific way -
how clouds are formed, how they move, what that means for the weather.
Yet, why is there on earth something called 'cloud'? I am really curious to know.

In local Chinese, there is saying that if you are like a cloud,
that means you don't know what you want somehow.
You are basically in the mystery - not knowing what to do.

However, I see it in different way.

I have seen quite different shapes of clouds.
They all mean something indeed.
And if you see some clouds in grey or almost turning to black,
that means thunderstorm is coming!

Clouds are there to tell something.
And they are never the same as other clouds.
Every single one is unique.

I am no way a scientist,
so I don't bother to understand how clouds are formed
and why they are in different shapes.
But I do like looking at the clouds,
and seeing the different shapes.
I somehow imagine there is 'flexibility' among the moisture making up the clouds.

So, how about our lives?
Can we really live our lives like a cloud?

I could remember when I was a child,
my teacher scolded at me, saying that I was like a cloud.
Just there not doing anything, not thinking, not understanding the teaching,
not hearing her words, etc... put it simple, i now interpret as 'you are so stupid'.

Now, thinking back - well, does it really matter?
It's probably just a way of different interpretation.
I now see the cloud as 'flexible', 'able to change', 'could tell something',
or even 'could predict the weather coming up'.
What if I put all these into our lives? That sounds good indeed!

What I wanna say at the end,
I think there are always two ways to see one single thing.
No matter it's a person, it's a place, it's a debate...
Of course, there are 'norms', or some 'rules of games',
but at the end, there are always 'left' and 'right', 'positive' and 'negative'.

I don't believe that if 9 out of 10 agreed to something,
all 9 of them are really 'correct'.
In fact, if the ONE speaks up,
perhaps the scene will be 4 agreed as originally confirmed,
but 6 will turn out going against that.

That's why at the end,
I guess what matters is whether someone will come out and speak up.
Plus, dare to make a difference.

I was so much into reading speech before.
I like reading all kinds of speech from the protest ones, the speech by the American President,
the Queen, the Prime Minister...
Sometimes, I would find the video clip and watch it over, how they deliver the speech.

All I see, I read, I hear - is their determination to make a difference.
I am not saying that just by shouting out, things will change.
Making the change requires hard work, and solid foundation in realizing the 'change'.
Yet, to make it, the first thing is the battle inside one's mind.

For sure, making the change, making the difference,
also requires some sort of sacrifice -
maybe giving up something today, in order to gain something in the future,
yet something not 'guaranteed'.

Is it like gambling, or investment?
You name it in your way.

Memories are back to where they're from.

Life has not changed, here I am.
Back to the living which I have been used to,
and the place where I should feel so close to.

Walking on the street this week, I looked around.
Perhaps subconsciously, I wanted to look for something I am familliar with.
However, I saw the new buildings, new restaurants, faces I didn't know...
Everything so new indeed.

Chance that when I walked pass some buildings or bars,
I wanted to recall if I was there before.
Not meant to be a test of my brainpower,
but simply hoped to know what I remembered.

Nothing - nothing I could remember,
as if all memories about this place were gone.

Today, a week after I came back from Australia.
I still remembered some of the days I've gone through.
Will I ever remember all of my days, or the moments?
Does it matter if I remember or not?

I used to think that memories would not fade away, because I 'remembered'.

Suddenly today,
I realized that memories will eventually go back to where they are from.
We cannot keep the memories.
All we 'remembered' were actually the feelings and the touch that the memories left behind.

I believe the feelings and the touch are eternal.
In contrast to memories, they will not go away.
They will live with us forever, even until after we pass away...

Do you hear me?

Thanks for my 'devilly angel' friend's call for drink in the afternoon.
Although I was kind of sick this morning,
I was so tempted to have a glass of wine tonight.
Perhaps some wine could help me feel better...

There, I was in Central for a drink!

My friends were not there with me finally - for no matter reason.
So, I was having my glass of wine, with the magazines I grabbed from the 'FREE' tray.
It was all emtpy there indeed, no one was there, except me & the bartender.
I didn't talk to him at all, instead - I was there reading, and thinking.

Sometimes, I could see the 'phantom' around - because there was a staircase,
with the glass door, having the spotlight shining over it.
When people walked down the staircase,
their shadow was like phantom passing by...

I spent almost like an hour and a half there,
reading and thinking.
Then I saw the two chairs there, nearby the window, looking over the street.
The seats looked really familar to me,
yes - really familiar.

I guess it was not because of the seats AT THAT PARTICULAR BAR,
but the distance between the chairs, and also the distance from me to the chairs.

I recalled at the occasion, when I was sitting next to another so close,
with the distance between that two chairs I've seen.
We were chatting, laughing, having fun, toasting, drinking.
Sometimes, there were simply silence, because none of us bothered to talk.
Why not just continue with people-watching, and enjoying our own thinking,
while sitting beside each other?

There was another occasion,
where we were at such long distance like that between me and the chairs -
nothing we could talk,
but we could only show some signals to each other.

Sending signals without words could be interesting sometimes.
It was as if telling something with your body language, or just a raise of your eyebrow,
and then shout without any noise 'Do you hear me?'.

So, do you hear me?

到底那一片藍天，在哪兒？

好友留言說，從酒杯裡看見的藍天只是一少部份，
我看見的，該是在不遠處那一片更廣更藍的天空。

實在，到底那一片藍天在哪兒？
是真的跟我想那樣，藍天其實近得看不見？
還是，原來它在很遠，遠得我根本觸不到，所以看不見？

在澳洲悉尼，跟多年好友相聚，
我望著天上的藍色一片，跟她說「這兒的天空很藍呀！」。
她回應說：「這可不算藍呢！妳看，那兒有一片雲，平日藍得沒一點白！
那才算是藍呀！」

聽罷，我抬頭看多了兩眼，心想這也不算藍，
那我可不知甚麼是藍呢！？

回港數天，
還是停不了在想那片藍，
天剛亮起來的橙藍，
日上三竿的淺藍，
日落前的彩藍。

記得望著藍天的那一刻，
深深吸了一口氣，
然後遠看眼前的廣闊... ...
一切就給印在腦海裡，

不管那一片藍天在哪兒，
雲走到哪裡去了，是晴天，
還是兩天，也不再重要。

腦海裡的那一片藍，會跟隨我的記憶一直走下去。
的確遠得很，遠得觸不到，
但也很近，近得看不見。

Here we are.

The first weekend after I came back was gone.

On Friday, I was there having a glass of white wine in the early afternoon,
reading the book I bought from Australia - titled 'The Good Life'.
That's the one about the Post-911 lives of a few New Yorkers.

Saturday evening, I went to the Annual Dinner at a club,
where there were heaps of Portuguese mood and smell.
I couldn't get away from the feeling of being in Portugal that whole night.
Sitting there, looking at the map up on the wall -
red lines connecting all spots around the world were starting from THAT single point.
Then the glass of red wine was from Portugal too,
with the unfamiliar grape names like 'Trincadeira',
but the smell and the taste was so close to me... so close to my heart.

Sunday, I finally got to meet my nephew after all the weeks apart.
He looks different - he could now sit straight up, he could turn his body,
and for sure he felt like crawling, yet still lack the strength to do so.
Yet, he's still my Nephew the King, with the family bond which I am always aware of,
and will last forever in my life and his life.



Today is ANOTHER MONDAY - meaning another week has begun.
May 2010 is here.
My trip to Australia has ended, my dream is over.
I am back in Hong Kong, I had my last weekend here, and a new start of week is ahead of me.

It seems as if life has changed after I came back -
I was out there away with the luxurious wine & dine experience;
I got the time enjoying wines under the blue sky;
I happened to experience the moved moments on the ANZAC Day;
I met a lady in hostel, who both the reception lady & I thought she presumably has got some mental problem indeed, and she talked to me for quite some time about her life.

Just everything I experienced has made me feel like life has changed.
'Has it really changed though?', I was asking myself today after I finished reading 'The Good Life'.

Life hasn't changed.
Here we are still who we are.
I am still a girl from Hong Kong,
hoping to go out from time to time,
drinking wines over the dinner,
going to the dinners and gatherings which I am supposed to be at,
playing with me nephew and seeing him grow up.

I found it really easy to assume that life has changed,
and once it is changed, we could not possibly go back.
In fact, life has always been the same. Nothing has changed.

What might have changed is our own selves.
We acquired new experiences, memories emerged, time elapsed...
we might choose to live the life we want or might not have lived before.
Possibly, we might choose to go with the flow, and live the life however it is.

Here we are - life has not changed, and probably it will never change.

If it was a dream...

In my dream, I saw this 'painting' through my eyes, and camera!

***
If that was a dream,
it was a really wonderful and unforgettable one.

I still remembered.
Everything was still so vivid in mind,
as if all were happened just yesterday.

In my dream,
I met angels from around, who love drinking good wines and having good food;
I was lying on the grass, seeing the blue sky above,
and watching the clouds move.
I breathed.
I felt the morning mist, and the smell of the wet grass.

In my dream,
I climbed up to the mountain,
and I saw the valley down under my feet.
Up there, I got my glass of white wine for breakfast.
It was just amazing!

In my dream,
I was thinking what if I would never wake up.
Shall I just stay here in my dream,
and forget all things around?

I knew it was not a dream.
Everything was so real,
but too real to believe.
Then that made it as if everything was a dream.

Now, I am here, I am back to everything I was used to.
My family, my friends, my room, the humid air, the dinners and gatherings...
The dream is over, but it has never gone far.
It has always been in my heart.

***
P.S. If it was a dream, shall I just stay there in my dream,
and forget all things around?
My answer is NO, I want to wake up.
I should not be staying always in THAT dream only.
I have to go out and see, and keep dreaming something else.
That would help me keep going, keep searching, keep exploring, and keep learning.

My next dream - South America!!