外甥百日宴的一個星期五，本來是家人和相熟朋友的「便飯」。怎料，那又變成了另一回「簡單中的不簡單，平凡中的不平凡」的飯局。
簡單在於那的確是便飯，沒有山珍海錯，也沒有那要先醒酒或待上幾小時才可以喝的美酒，然而當中有著不簡單的座上客。
有些賓客是第一次見面，客氣話之外，當然又因為是家人相熟的好友，談東說西，有講有笑。酒過三巡，話就變得更為玄妙。
也許因為座上客之中，有不少都為人父母，又或是三代同堂的家庭，大家都不禁談起一些兒女成長的經歷。然後，其中一人談到「比較」。他說沒甚麼好比，越是要比，就越是放不開，不比較，所擁有的都是最好，當擁有最好的，那就是開心的人生。
我看哩，所謂「比上不足，比下有餘」，比較或許真的沒甚意思，該怎麼比，才會令自己覺得最好，令人感到最開心呢？只是，相信在現今社會的人沒法子把自己抽離比較的思想。即使曾經有過那名句「求學不是求分數」，但到底最後有幾多老師老闆，不是向分數看？有，不過少數。
自己並不是喜歡比較的人，若真的要找一個人來比，我會找自己，卻不會是其他任何一個人。今天要活得比昨天好，明天的自己要比今天做得更好，那就是了。至於外界的比較，自問也感受得到，而我相信沒有人可以離開這個漩渦，不過，要是每天都做好自己，那怕這些比較，誰又在乎這些比較？
說到底，比較總是存在著，揮不走的，只是我們如何看待比較這事，那才是最重要。實在，我相信並非不比較就會使我們覺得自己擁有最好的，繼而會有開心的人生。我看是因為知足使人不至於過份執著比較的結果，於是成就了開心的人生。
27/02/2010
24/02/2010
又一頓「便飯」
天呀，又一頓所謂的「便飯」。
怎料，那又是一頓讓人「在簡單裡，看到一種不簡單；在平凡裡，感到一點不平凡」的飯局。多謝好友邀請，參加了座談會後的飯局（然而，失約於另一個聚會，在此致歉）。
依然是無所不談，想笑就笑。雖第一次會見新朋友，但大家都沒有那種不自在的感覺，亦沒有甚麼架子。猜那是因為大家心底裡都有著某程度的豁達開懷的心境，又沒有甚麼好計較，於是大家都互相尊重，即使各人來自不同的背景和擁有個人的己見，最終還是「開門見山」，有話直說。
很高興在我的生活旅途當中，可以遇上不同界別和不同背景的人。他們使我體會到很多關於生活上的細節，並得到不少人生的感悟。又因為他們，我發現自己畫給自己的界線，一天比一天廣闊，我又一天比一天更加認識自己，包括個人的長處、短處、喜惡、能力、目標等等。
不知是否因為現今社會轉變的速度快了很多，讓人很容迷失之餘，亦很容易忘記了自己是誰，甚至是人最基本的種種。記得上一頓「便飯」，新朋友忽爾說「自古至今，如何維繫一段感情，從來沒變，只是現在的人思想變了，跟原來有點偏差，又或者離得越來越遠。」（說來話長，很難在這裡分享全段關於維繫感情的對話。有緣的話，再談。）
實在，那豈只感情事有所偏差，就連一個人如何去分辨是與非，都有所偏差。當然，我相信凡事兩面看，或許沒有對或錯，亦沒有好與壞，但我想每一個人的心底裡都有著那把聲音告訴自己那是「好」，那是「對」。不過，似乎能夠聽到這把聲音的人少了，又或者外間的雜音太響亮了，又可能是這聲音跟平日聽到的差得很遠，搞得人開始矛盾，最終人選擇了收起心裡的那把聲，繼而理直氣壯說句「為世所迫」，一切就合情合理。
要明白這個世界是我們生活的地方，大大小小的事都是人的行為所造成的。說到底，還不是人們造就世界？我不知道這世界上存在著多少人是真的用心去聽自己心底裡的那把聲，不過，我相信只要是聽到的，都希望可以盡一點力去減低自己內在的「偏差」，更可能推廣至社會上出現的「偏差」。
多得這個晚上的座上客和新朋友的分享，使我可以再重新組織上一頓便飯遺留下來的思緒。同時，看來我是聽到心裡的聲音，亦在不知不覺間學會了跟自己的心對話，所以到最後，出現過的矛盾總會消散於無形之中。
既沒矛盾，就自然少了內心那份不安的鬥爭，這種心境平和使人有更大的空間和動力去實踐跟自己的心達成的協議，並開開心心過每一天。
怎料，那又是一頓讓人「在簡單裡，看到一種不簡單；在平凡裡，感到一點不平凡」的飯局。多謝好友邀請，參加了座談會後的飯局（然而，失約於另一個聚會，在此致歉）。
依然是無所不談，想笑就笑。雖第一次會見新朋友，但大家都沒有那種不自在的感覺，亦沒有甚麼架子。猜那是因為大家心底裡都有著某程度的豁達開懷的心境，又沒有甚麼好計較，於是大家都互相尊重，即使各人來自不同的背景和擁有個人的己見，最終還是「開門見山」，有話直說。
很高興在我的生活旅途當中，可以遇上不同界別和不同背景的人。他們使我體會到很多關於生活上的細節，並得到不少人生的感悟。又因為他們，我發現自己畫給自己的界線，一天比一天廣闊，我又一天比一天更加認識自己，包括個人的長處、短處、喜惡、能力、目標等等。
不知是否因為現今社會轉變的速度快了很多，讓人很容迷失之餘，亦很容易忘記了自己是誰，甚至是人最基本的種種。記得上一頓「便飯」，新朋友忽爾說「自古至今，如何維繫一段感情，從來沒變，只是現在的人思想變了，跟原來有點偏差，又或者離得越來越遠。」（說來話長，很難在這裡分享全段關於維繫感情的對話。有緣的話，再談。）
實在，那豈只感情事有所偏差，就連一個人如何去分辨是與非，都有所偏差。當然，我相信凡事兩面看，或許沒有對或錯，亦沒有好與壞，但我想每一個人的心底裡都有著那把聲音告訴自己那是「好」，那是「對」。不過，似乎能夠聽到這把聲音的人少了，又或者外間的雜音太響亮了，又可能是這聲音跟平日聽到的差得很遠，搞得人開始矛盾，最終人選擇了收起心裡的那把聲，繼而理直氣壯說句「為世所迫」，一切就合情合理。
要明白這個世界是我們生活的地方，大大小小的事都是人的行為所造成的。說到底，還不是人們造就世界？我不知道這世界上存在著多少人是真的用心去聽自己心底裡的那把聲，不過，我相信只要是聽到的，都希望可以盡一點力去減低自己內在的「偏差」，更可能推廣至社會上出現的「偏差」。
多得這個晚上的座上客和新朋友的分享，使我可以再重新組織上一頓便飯遺留下來的思緒。同時，看來我是聽到心裡的聲音，亦在不知不覺間學會了跟自己的心對話，所以到最後，出現過的矛盾總會消散於無形之中。
既沒矛盾，就自然少了內心那份不安的鬥爭，這種心境平和使人有更大的空間和動力去實踐跟自己的心達成的協議，並開開心心過每一天。
21/02/2010
堅持
農曆新年到來前，專程到了兒時居住的時方附近，找寫揮春的伯伯。
這年重遊舊地，周遭的街道和建築物，是那樣的陌生，近年的拆卸重建計劃令那一帶的面貌都改變了。
沒變的是揮春伯伯的攤子，令人感到親切的是他的字。伯伯依舊在那一個街角擺攤子，他的太太和女兒還依舊幫忙打點。女兒說他在這兒有三十年多了，至今還堅持要在這裡替人寫字。女兒說伯伯堅持要在街邊寫揮春，每年如是，沒間斷。
這年天氣很凍，在街頭一整天實不是味兒，但揮春伯伯偏偏就有著一股勁，要繼續堅持。在那裡等伯伯完成我訂的揮春之時，我在想，他為什麼那樣堅持？而我自己又為什麼還要堅持，並鍥而不舍去追尋自己那所謂「夢想」？
曾經有人跟我說那是何等不實際，又說可能是因為我還年輕，還覺得有夢想去追，但卻不知天高地厚，更不知生活有多艱難芸芸。有說「不聽老人言，吃虧在眼前」，於是那些話確實使我有所動搖。我亦曾遇過幾乎使我放棄自己夢想的人，然而，最終我依然選擇要尋夢去。
堅持的過程很不容易，我們往往都會遇上阻礙、猶豫、困惑等等的問題，不過，我相信到了一天，若能成功實現夢想，那滿足的感覺比甚麼都來得珍貴。同時，我深信要是自己真的有那夢想在心，而最後因為自己堅持不下去，夢想定必只是夢，根本無法實現，最終我還是會遇上其他的問題，例如自責、鬱鬱不歡的心情等等。那倒不如努力實現夢想，相信「有志者，事竟成」。
道德經(三十八章)｜Tao Te Ching (Verse 38)
上德不德，是以有德。
下德不失德，是以無德。
上德，無為而無以為；
下德，為之而有以為；
上仁為之而無以為。
上義為之而有以為。
上禮為之而莫之應，則攘臂而扔之。
故失道而後德，失德而後仁，失仁而後義，失義而後禮；
夫禮者，忠信之薄，而亂之首。
前識者，道之華，而愚之始。
是以大丈夫處其厚，不居其薄，
處其實，不居其華，故去彼取此。
****
You can readily recognize the highest virtuousness
because it never places itself on display.
You can readily recognize the lowest virtuousness
because it is always announcing itself.
The highest virtue quietly serves universal needs.
The lowest virtue actively strives for personal success.
The highest morality serves common needs.
The lowest morality is self-serving.
True venevolence
acts without intention.
But when rituals go unheeded,
they are enforced with rolled-up sleeves.
Failing the Great Integrity, we resort to virtuousness.
Failing virtuousness, we resort to moralizing.
Failing moralizing, we resort to dogma,
the most superficial form of faith and loyalty,
and the nourishment for confusion.
Natural persons are attracted
to substance rather than form,
to the nutritious fruit rather than the enticing flower,
to that which dwells deeply within,
rather than to that which clings superficially to the surface.
***
後記：忽感惘然，從書架上找了本老子的《道德經》，讀了以上一篇。
P.S. Suddenly felt a bit confused, so I grabbed the 'Tao Te Ching' by Lao Tzu, and read the above.
下德不失德，是以無德。
上德，無為而無以為；
下德，為之而有以為；
上仁為之而無以為。
上義為之而有以為。
上禮為之而莫之應，則攘臂而扔之。
故失道而後德，失德而後仁，失仁而後義，失義而後禮；
夫禮者，忠信之薄，而亂之首。
前識者，道之華，而愚之始。
是以大丈夫處其厚，不居其薄，
處其實，不居其華，故去彼取此。
****
You can readily recognize the highest virtuousness
because it never places itself on display.
You can readily recognize the lowest virtuousness
because it is always announcing itself.
The highest virtue quietly serves universal needs.
The lowest virtue actively strives for personal success.
The highest morality serves common needs.
The lowest morality is self-serving.
True venevolence
acts without intention.
But when rituals go unheeded,
they are enforced with rolled-up sleeves.
Failing the Great Integrity, we resort to virtuousness.
Failing virtuousness, we resort to moralizing.
Failing moralizing, we resort to dogma,
the most superficial form of faith and loyalty,
and the nourishment for confusion.
Natural persons are attracted
to substance rather than form,
to the nutritious fruit rather than the enticing flower,
to that which dwells deeply within,
rather than to that which clings superficially to the surface.
***
後記：忽感惘然，從書架上找了本老子的《道德經》，讀了以上一篇。
P.S. Suddenly felt a bit confused, so I grabbed the 'Tao Te Ching' by Lao Tzu, and read the above.
20/02/2010
一頓便飯
這個星期五的晚上，冷得很。不過，依然選擇了出外用晚膳，親親美食與佳釀。
四位座上客，四個湯＋兩客沙拉＋兩客鵝肝＋兩客主菜魚＋一客牛肋骨＋一客羊架＋四客芝士餅＋咖啡/洛神茶，再配三瓶半枝裝的美酒：Chassagne-Montrachet white + St Estephe red + Marguax red。
瘋了，迷了，狂了，醉了。
一如以往，相伴美酒佳餚的，當然是對談與交流：飲食、文章、政治、旅行、愛情、婚姻、上一代與下一代、時代巨輪下的變化...... 無所不談，想起就說，想笑就笑。
不過，這一回竟談起價值觀、經歷給一個人帶來的影響和人生的無常。朋友在分享他們「曾經年輕過」的經歷和身邊的生離死別與離離合合，我就分享自己作為「今天我還算年輕」的代表，有著那樣的思維方式和追求。
結果，看似只是一頓便飯，但我卻在簡單裡，看到一種不簡單；在平凡裡，感到一點不平凡。
後記：這個晚上的對談，帶走了本來無端出現的感傷，卻喚醒了腦海裡某些細胞，有些記憶片段又再重現......
四位座上客，四個湯＋兩客沙拉＋兩客鵝肝＋兩客主菜魚＋一客牛肋骨＋一客羊架＋四客芝士餅＋咖啡/洛神茶，再配三瓶半枝裝的美酒：Chassagne-Montrachet white + St Estephe red + Marguax red。
瘋了，迷了，狂了，醉了。
一如以往，相伴美酒佳餚的，當然是對談與交流：飲食、文章、政治、旅行、愛情、婚姻、上一代與下一代、時代巨輪下的變化...... 無所不談，想起就說，想笑就笑。
不過，這一回竟談起價值觀、經歷給一個人帶來的影響和人生的無常。朋友在分享他們「曾經年輕過」的經歷和身邊的生離死別與離離合合，我就分享自己作為「今天我還算年輕」的代表，有著那樣的思維方式和追求。
結果，看似只是一頓便飯，但我卻在簡單裡，看到一種不簡單；在平凡裡，感到一點不平凡。
後記：這個晚上的對談，帶走了本來無端出現的感傷，卻喚醒了腦海裡某些細胞，有些記憶片段又再重現......
The Art of Travel (V)
I was writing about the sadness while travelling alone on the road in my first piece about 'art of travel'. Then I shared some more views about travelling later on. Now, I believe this piece will be my last one about travelling for the time being. Maybe there will be some more writing about travelling later - I don't know yet. Depends on my next trip probably.
Anywayz.
This last round of thinking is going back to the question about travelling alone. I was walking on the street tonight, after midnight - it was quiet, and it was cold. I realized I always did this kind of 'walk' while I was away from Hong Kong. I remembered the walk on Champs Elysees in Paris (France), the walk from Teatro dell'Opera di Roma (Rome Opera House) to the hostel nearby termini (terminal train station) in Rome (Italy), the walk from Buda to Pest in Budapest (Hungary), the walk along the beach in Cascais (Portugal), the walk...
I could go non-stop.
Next, I realized I have been travelling on the road alone for quite some time. Occasionally, there were times when I had to travel on my own - but I wasn't really into 'travelling alone', until my trip in late 2007. Probably that trip made me change. That was a trip to Italy/ Spain. Then, I found myself fallen in love with such trips. I started to notice, not just to see; I also started to listen, but not only to hear.
Very easily, we would fall into the trap of omitting the details we should have noticed or the key words we should have listened. Perhaps because of time pressure, or because of psychological issues, or whatever excuses we could make, simply the fact is - we miss the details. Then because we miss those details, we find it difficult to ask questions and know more or think more in-depth. We simply have our mind completely blank!
I guess at the end of the day, the details, the follow-up questions, the answers, what I've learnt from all these, and my thoughts - altogether made up the inspiration I have been having.
Eventually, travelling is neither an escape, nor a sightseeing occasion - but part of my learning process in life.
***
I'll keep going - and keep learning.
Remarks:
The opera I enjoyed at Teatro dell'Opera di Roma:
< http://en.operaroma.it/header/audio_video/carmen_2009 >.
An opera show at Italian opera house is kind of a MUST for me whenever I go Italy!
Anywayz.
This last round of thinking is going back to the question about travelling alone. I was walking on the street tonight, after midnight - it was quiet, and it was cold. I realized I always did this kind of 'walk' while I was away from Hong Kong. I remembered the walk on Champs Elysees in Paris (France), the walk from Teatro dell'Opera di Roma (Rome Opera House) to the hostel nearby termini (terminal train station) in Rome (Italy), the walk from Buda to Pest in Budapest (Hungary), the walk along the beach in Cascais (Portugal), the walk...
I could go non-stop.
Next, I realized I have been travelling on the road alone for quite some time. Occasionally, there were times when I had to travel on my own - but I wasn't really into 'travelling alone', until my trip in late 2007. Probably that trip made me change. That was a trip to Italy/ Spain. Then, I found myself fallen in love with such trips. I started to notice, not just to see; I also started to listen, but not only to hear.
Very easily, we would fall into the trap of omitting the details we should have noticed or the key words we should have listened. Perhaps because of time pressure, or because of psychological issues, or whatever excuses we could make, simply the fact is - we miss the details. Then because we miss those details, we find it difficult to ask questions and know more or think more in-depth. We simply have our mind completely blank!
I guess at the end of the day, the details, the follow-up questions, the answers, what I've learnt from all these, and my thoughts - altogether made up the inspiration I have been having.
Eventually, travelling is neither an escape, nor a sightseeing occasion - but part of my learning process in life.
***
I'll keep going - and keep learning.
Remarks:
The opera I enjoyed at Teatro dell'Opera di Roma:
< http://en.operaroma.it/header/audio_video/carmen_2009 >.
An opera show at Italian opera house is kind of a MUST for me whenever I go Italy!
The Art of Travel (IV)
While you travel, your curiosity may just explode - you may never have realized you would be like a kid again, asking all sorts of questions you have long lost.
What is that plant?
What is that animal?
Where am I?
What are those people doing there?
What should I say in order to say 'HELLO'?
What should I say in order to say 'THANK YOU'?
There are just all sorts of questions one gets in mind while travelling in another country - somewhere one has no idea about.
Apart from all those mixed feelings and the questions I had in mind, there was another thing that kept my mind busy. It's the thought about 'Continuity' and how close I am to a place or to a person or to a community...
I have been building my 'city list' - not for the sake of getting the pride for travelling to that many places (after all, not many indeed - though I know compared to some others, that's a lot.), but for the sake of getting to know how it is out there somewhere in the world, and how people live there... Yes, it's back to the point about my curiosity. As my friend's message - that's for young traveller.
Then, when it came to travelling on my own, the curiosity is no longer about the places only. It's more about 'self' and 'identity'. Through talking, knowing others, going around & looking at all new things - it's easy to trigger one to ask who i am, and where i am. Probably that's what my friend said, 'seasoned traveler'.
Bet I have been undergoing that kind of 'process' - then came my last trip to China. That's unexpectedly 'something else'. Yes, I did discover something about the places I have been to, and also about who I am. On top, I was discovering something about Chinese civilization.
I went to the Henan Museum and the 'Yellow River' region - amazing! I started learning things like how man was evolved, then all the dynasties, wars, culture... simply everything about humanities and civilization. I also learnt about how the Earth, the different types of earth, rocks... I never thought that I would be going that deep into such topics. I used to visit museums and churches in Europe - but then all I thought was about 'appreciation' of all those, what has happened at that period, and what made the people at that time got the ideas on those artpieces and architecture, etc.
I basically broke down all those as 'periods' to know about, but I never thought about the 'influences' carried forward as time passed. Until when I visited the Henan Museum and the 'Yellow River' region - there came the idea about 'continuity' and how the past affects the next generation - or until now.
So my next questions was - how ourselves in this generation is actually affecting the next generation? We could easily fall into the 'trap' to say something about the next generation, they are just not as good as ours. Yet, have we ever thought about where they learnt from? Have we ever thought about what we've done for ourselves AND the next generation?
I guess unless we believe that we gotta have no 'continuity' at the end, then we could stay with the perception or behave the same. Otherwise, perhaps we should do something for the next generation(s).
***
I'll keep going.
What is that plant?
What is that animal?
Where am I?
What are those people doing there?
What should I say in order to say 'HELLO'?
What should I say in order to say 'THANK YOU'?
There are just all sorts of questions one gets in mind while travelling in another country - somewhere one has no idea about.
Apart from all those mixed feelings and the questions I had in mind, there was another thing that kept my mind busy. It's the thought about 'Continuity' and how close I am to a place or to a person or to a community...
I have been building my 'city list' - not for the sake of getting the pride for travelling to that many places (after all, not many indeed - though I know compared to some others, that's a lot.), but for the sake of getting to know how it is out there somewhere in the world, and how people live there... Yes, it's back to the point about my curiosity. As my friend's message - that's for young traveller.
Then, when it came to travelling on my own, the curiosity is no longer about the places only. It's more about 'self' and 'identity'. Through talking, knowing others, going around & looking at all new things - it's easy to trigger one to ask who i am, and where i am. Probably that's what my friend said, 'seasoned traveler'.
Bet I have been undergoing that kind of 'process' - then came my last trip to China. That's unexpectedly 'something else'. Yes, I did discover something about the places I have been to, and also about who I am. On top, I was discovering something about Chinese civilization.
I went to the Henan Museum and the 'Yellow River' region - amazing! I started learning things like how man was evolved, then all the dynasties, wars, culture... simply everything about humanities and civilization. I also learnt about how the Earth, the different types of earth, rocks... I never thought that I would be going that deep into such topics. I used to visit museums and churches in Europe - but then all I thought was about 'appreciation' of all those, what has happened at that period, and what made the people at that time got the ideas on those artpieces and architecture, etc.
I basically broke down all those as 'periods' to know about, but I never thought about the 'influences' carried forward as time passed. Until when I visited the Henan Museum and the 'Yellow River' region - there came the idea about 'continuity' and how the past affects the next generation - or until now.
So my next questions was - how ourselves in this generation is actually affecting the next generation? We could easily fall into the 'trap' to say something about the next generation, they are just not as good as ours. Yet, have we ever thought about where they learnt from? Have we ever thought about what we've done for ourselves AND the next generation?
I guess unless we believe that we gotta have no 'continuity' at the end, then we could stay with the perception or behave the same. Otherwise, perhaps we should do something for the next generation(s).
***
I'll keep going.
19/02/2010
友人的留字提到門後面的風景，讓人變得獨特，並帶給我們精彩的人生。讀畢，我想起年前的舊照。似乎我不只有N條來歷不明的鑰匙，還有數不完的門。
這兩天在想關於攝影的一二，心想何謂好與壞，又何謂技巧，及至到底攝影的意義何在。自問不是甚麼攝影發燒友，沒技術，不懂甚麼高科技的配合，理不得甚麼XX比例或構圖，更不知何謂美學。近日的思索使我覺得攝影可能只單純是一種心理狀態的反射和個人的取捨及選擇，還有一個人有多留意周遭事物的細緻之處。
今日再看舊照，找來一堆門窗。
要是攝影真的反映個人的內心，似乎自己心裡也有很多道門。有些根本是沒有鑰匙；有些從來沒有人開啟過；亦有些破爛了的，沒人修補過；又有些已經重新塗上油漆，換了鎖，等待一天再有人去開啟；更有可能是我有點幻覺，以為前面有道玻璃門，沒鎖，沒鑰匙，所以打不開，但其實門根本就不存在。
門後面的確有不同的風景，有人選擇開了第一道門，見到走廊和不遠處還有另一道門，就決定繼續走，向前去開下一道門，直至觸到那景物；也有人選擇看過了，似乎路遙遠，不走了，掉頭就走；亦有人不斷走，只在門前看幾眼，從不開啟任何一道門。說到底，那是個人的選擇與取捨。
如友人所說，相信我有用過那些鑰匙去開啟曾經遇見的門，不過，我沒有再繼續走，就放下了鑰匙，同時，我選擇了拿起另一條鑰匙去開其他的門；至於在自己最心深處的那一道，早給關上了，鑰匙亦已不知所踪，然而，到了今天，門會否再開，已不重要。若前者是我的選擇與取捨，後者亦然。
遠-近｜Far-close
這兩天在想關於攝影的一二，心想何謂好與壞，又何謂技巧，及至到底攝影的意義何在。自問不是甚麼攝影發燒友，沒技術，不懂甚麼高科技的配合，理不得甚麼XX比例或構圖，更不知何謂美學。近日的思索使我覺得攝影可能只單純是一種心理狀態的反射和個人的取捨及選擇，還有一個人有多留意周遭事物的細緻之處。
今日再看舊照，找來一堆門窗。
要是攝影真的反映個人的內心，似乎自己心裡也有很多道門。有些根本是沒有鑰匙；有些從來沒有人開啟過；亦有些破爛了的，沒人修補過；又有些已經重新塗上油漆，換了鎖，等待一天再有人去開啟；更有可能是我有點幻覺，以為前面有道玻璃門，沒鎖，沒鑰匙，所以打不開，但其實門根本就不存在。
門後面的確有不同的風景，有人選擇開了第一道門，見到走廊和不遠處還有另一道門，就決定繼續走，向前去開下一道門，直至觸到那景物；也有人選擇看過了，似乎路遙遠，不走了，掉頭就走；亦有人不斷走，只在門前看幾眼，從不開啟任何一道門。說到底，那是個人的選擇與取捨。
如友人所說，相信我有用過那些鑰匙去開啟曾經遇見的門，不過，我沒有再繼續走，就放下了鑰匙，同時，我選擇了拿起另一條鑰匙去開其他的門；至於在自己最心深處的那一道，早給關上了，鑰匙亦已不知所踪，然而，到了今天，門會否再開，已不重要。若前者是我的選擇與取捨，後者亦然。
遠-近｜Far-close
18/02/2010
Mysteries - no.1 & no.2 (please help...)
Finally 80% done for tidying up my room, and finally made it to unpack some of those stuff which I didn't have the courage to touch or read again for quite a while. So, I threw some of those away, and made room to keep those I wanna keep.
While making the room to fit them in, I found two pieces of paper, folded. I then read the content, and it was completely a mystery to me. I have no idea who wrote that to me - I am sure that's not my handwriting. The handwriting looks familiar, but simply I couldn't tell where they came...
If YOU happened to realize you wrote me the below to me before, please let me know. I wanna say a THANK-YOU!! Below the passages written there...
< MYSTERY 1: Here and There >
There is no place like here
for places on the map
are quite a different sort.
There're neither here nor there
but fixed at where they are;
yet here am I quite caught,
for here cannot be there,
though there is everywhere.
I fly from port to port
since somewhere I must be -
yet nowhere when I'm dead,
and that's a curious thought.
< MYSTERY 2: Days >
What are days for?
Days are where we live
They come, they wake us
Time and time over.
They are to be happy in:
Where can we live but days?
Ah, solving that question
Bring the priest and the doctor
In their long coats
Running over the fields.
While making the room to fit them in, I found two pieces of paper, folded. I then read the content, and it was completely a mystery to me. I have no idea who wrote that to me - I am sure that's not my handwriting. The handwriting looks familiar, but simply I couldn't tell where they came...
If YOU happened to realize you wrote me the below to me before, please let me know. I wanna say a THANK-YOU!! Below the passages written there...
< MYSTERY 1: Here and There >
There is no place like here
for places on the map
are quite a different sort.
There're neither here nor there
but fixed at where they are;
yet here am I quite caught,
for here cannot be there,
though there is everywhere.
I fly from port to port
since somewhere I must be -
yet nowhere when I'm dead,
and that's a curious thought.
< MYSTERY 2: Days >
What are days for?
Days are where we live
They come, they wake us
Time and time over.
They are to be happy in:
Where can we live but days?
Ah, solving that question
Bring the priest and the doctor
In their long coats
Running over the fields.
人生充滿驚喜
再見好友，有著說不出的百感交集。上次會面至今，還不到一個月的時間，不過，大家好像良久沒見一般，或許是因為這段時間裡，大家各自的生活和心情都起了不少變化。這次再聚，湊巧是好友遠赴北美公幹數月的前一天，令人特別感觸。
雖然大家的言談之間，我看不到自己的神情和目光，但相信我倆都不自覺地流露了驚喜交集的表情。猜有的是因為個人的一些驚喜二三事，有的是因為在大家眼裡看到今天身旁這位好友，就會想起以前在同一個校園成長的日子，和往後大家所經歷過和分享過的種種。
總覺得每一次跟好友會見，大家都有著說不完的故事。開心的、感傷的、摸不著頭腦卻又真的發生過的、不敢相信的、煩悶的、憂心的、回顧的、展望的......所有加湊起來，都在告訴我倆「人生充滿驚喜」。
人生之中，我們的確有很多猜不透的，還有好一些不如我們心中所想的，當然，也有從沒想過的喜悅。實在，誰又可以定奪一件事的好與壞，又或是一個人的對或錯？說到底，無論遇上任何事，都要自己學會去承擔事情所帶來的一連串驚和喜。
話說回來，相信「世事本無意」，所謂「意義」，也只不過是我們在每一件事背後添上而已。總之，當我們找到那意義，跟自己和身邊的人作了個交代，就好該勇往直前，不要回頭，一直走。同時，要為那意義堅持，那定會帶來無限的動力，讓自己繼續走。
祝願好友事事順利，心想事成。
雖然大家的言談之間，我看不到自己的神情和目光，但相信我倆都不自覺地流露了驚喜交集的表情。猜有的是因為個人的一些驚喜二三事，有的是因為在大家眼裡看到今天身旁這位好友，就會想起以前在同一個校園成長的日子，和往後大家所經歷過和分享過的種種。
總覺得每一次跟好友會見，大家都有著說不完的故事。開心的、感傷的、摸不著頭腦卻又真的發生過的、不敢相信的、煩悶的、憂心的、回顧的、展望的......所有加湊起來，都在告訴我倆「人生充滿驚喜」。
人生之中，我們的確有很多猜不透的，還有好一些不如我們心中所想的，當然，也有從沒想過的喜悅。實在，誰又可以定奪一件事的好與壞，又或是一個人的對或錯？說到底，無論遇上任何事，都要自己學會去承擔事情所帶來的一連串驚和喜。
話說回來，相信「世事本無意」，所謂「意義」，也只不過是我們在每一件事背後添上而已。總之，當我們找到那意義，跟自己和身邊的人作了個交代，就好該勇往直前，不要回頭，一直走。同時，要為那意義堅持，那定會帶來無限的動力，讓自己繼續走。
祝願好友事事順利，心想事成。
12/02/2010
方向（感情篇）
繼前天跟兩位年紀相約的好友會面相談後，昨天又遇上了另外兩位好友。他們是我的兄長級好友，多得他們的指點和機會，實獲益不少。
這天，談的也是「方向」，但跟前天的對談不同，我不見得他們有所猶豫，即使他們未必是果斷的那類，但他們的遲疑是因為想觀察多一點，洞悉環境，才下決定。
或許，人生的閱歷和經驗真的能改變一個人的思想和心態。當我們走在不同的人生階段，就會有不同的想法，有不同的希冀。想到這裡，我就不期然在想，說到底，讓我們改變的是那所謂閱歷和經驗，還是在我們生命中留下足印的人呢？
這天會面的兩好友都要照顧孩子，牽掛的不只是跟自己愛的另一位，還有血脈相連的下一代，猜他們寧花多點時間去作一個較好的決定，還不是為了把事情拿捏更好更準確，作最理想的決定，為將來籌謀，希望下一代過更好的生活。
接著，我忽然記得有好友跟我提過，覺得我曾經作過一些決定，跟我以往一貫作風很不相似，他解釋不了。我沒多想就回答說：「若有一天，你發現再有類似情況，那只有一個原因，一定是因為一個人，才會讓我做的事解釋不來。」
跟好友的一番話使我明白到我愛的人比自己重要，甚至是，我愛的人原來會不期然為我帶來「方向」。
新年開始，湊巧是西方情人節，祝願好友和各位朋友，都能找到那「方向」，寫下人生的新一章。
大掃除期間，不只發現家裡的書多，筆多，還有不知從哪裡來的鑰匙也多。
相信它們必定是從前曾開啟過我眼前的一把鎖，但當鎖換了，又或再不存在，鑰匙就沒用了。
鎖跟適合的鑰匙該是一對的，要是鑰匙不見了，鎖亦自然開不了，要換了。裝了新的鎖，就有新的鑰匙。
到底，我下一把鎖跟鑰匙會否一直走下去呢？還是我又或有天無端發現不知名的鑰匙呢
這天，談的也是「方向」，但跟前天的對談不同，我不見得他們有所猶豫，即使他們未必是果斷的那類，但他們的遲疑是因為想觀察多一點，洞悉環境，才下決定。
或許，人生的閱歷和經驗真的能改變一個人的思想和心態。當我們走在不同的人生階段，就會有不同的想法，有不同的希冀。想到這裡，我就不期然在想，說到底，讓我們改變的是那所謂閱歷和經驗，還是在我們生命中留下足印的人呢？
這天會面的兩好友都要照顧孩子，牽掛的不只是跟自己愛的另一位，還有血脈相連的下一代，猜他們寧花多點時間去作一個較好的決定，還不是為了把事情拿捏更好更準確，作最理想的決定，為將來籌謀，希望下一代過更好的生活。
接著，我忽然記得有好友跟我提過，覺得我曾經作過一些決定，跟我以往一貫作風很不相似，他解釋不了。我沒多想就回答說：「若有一天，你發現再有類似情況，那只有一個原因，一定是因為一個人，才會讓我做的事解釋不來。」
跟好友的一番話使我明白到我愛的人比自己重要，甚至是，我愛的人原來會不期然為我帶來「方向」。
新年開始，湊巧是西方情人節，祝願好友和各位朋友，都能找到那「方向」，寫下人生的新一章。
大掃除期間，不只發現家裡的書多，筆多，還有不知從哪裡來的鑰匙也多。
相信它們必定是從前曾開啟過我眼前的一把鎖，但當鎖換了，又或再不存在，鑰匙就沒用了。
鎖跟適合的鑰匙該是一對的，要是鑰匙不見了，鎖亦自然開不了，要換了。裝了新的鎖，就有新的鑰匙。
到底，我下一把鎖跟鑰匙會否一直走下去呢？還是我又或有天無端發現不知名的鑰匙呢
11/02/2010
方向。
繼續讀季羨林的《真話能走多遠》，有以下一句：
「如果大腦有事可做，有所制約，它就會在想像的曠野馳騁，有時就會迷失方向。」
我無法以科學的角度去理解這情況，但我可以透過自己的體驗去證明這情況確實存於我們的生活裡。猜不少朋友或多或少也有過這樣的經歷，尤其是在一些我們要作出抉擇的關口。
＊＊＊
今天，跟兩位好友用膳，先是中環日本午餐，然後晚上有白酒配「意大利雀粟」（某好友為RISOTTO改的別稱）。美食，實在為我這天添上色彩，不過，更令人感到高興的是跟好友的對談。（只是，有點難為情，這天精神不好，兩個晚上沒好好睡，耳聽和大腦接收能力只及平日的兩成而已，語言表達能力更只一成，失禮極了。）
跟兩位好友年紀相約，不過大家走的路不同，各自在追逐心目中的「理想」。然而，大家（包括我在內）都似乎忽然間有點迷失。我說「忽然間」，因為我相信大家都有目標，又想做好自己，更明白自己對家人對別人所抱有的責任，只是站在今日的抉擇點之前，似乎稍為失去了方向。
說到底，所謂「方向」，就是「抉擇」，是自己在那些可能性之中，如何選擇最好的，踏出多一步，向目標進發。沒方向，可能只是一種猶豫，或者因為身邊的雜音太多，也可能是我們在生活上遇到的無形壓力，成了某程度上的顧慮，使我們在交叉點之前，停了下來。
有些人會說這是沒勇氣，又甚至是退縮。我不知道，自問沒資格去作任何批評，但我很清楚，自己也不斷在花力氣去建立個人的勇氣，學習如何理性及果斷地作出選擇，並盡量縮短考慮的時間。畢竟，時間不會等著我走，錯過了就沒得追回來。
在我的學習過程之中，我覺得最重要的是盡量留點空間給自己，讓自己有清晰的判斷力和明白個人心所想，同時令自己繼續有動力去實踐理想，依循自己選擇的「方向」努力。
說到這裡，猜朋友或會問，在香港，如何有空間？深信這是大部分香港人也會問的，（除非閣下是打工皇帝，不用愁。）長時間的工作，厭煩的工作令人透不過氣來云云。個人見解是，香港沒有如外國的空間，更沒有他們的工作文化，沒法子，我的香港人，大家也是，改不了；可變的，最後是自己的心態和如何為自己安排時間日誌，盡量在沒負面影響之下，騰點時間出來，做自己喜歡的事。
新年即將來臨，祝願好友跟其他所有朋友，都能找到方向，勇往直前。同時，亦可以騰出時間，做自己喜歡做的事。新一年新開始，坐言起行吧～！
後記：我花的力氣，除了在於建立個人勇氣，還有尋找出路，把自己喜歡的事轉化成我的工作，期望有日可以事半功倍，並且有無窮無盡的氣力去完成工作。我喜歡的，包括創意寫作、要酒和「出走」。
前天，離開咖啡館，途經中環獅子銀行，見到這畫面，拍了下來。
正值放工時間，看到身邊的人連放工都快步走著，是趕著離開地獄？還是想快點回家？其實，若果我們能把腳步放慢一點，又或間中停下來，那也是空間呢！
猜相中人在等朋友，他的姿態與神情，像告訴我他有時間有空間，等一下沒所謂！
「如果大腦有事可做，有所制約，它就會在想像的曠野馳騁，有時就會迷失方向。」
我無法以科學的角度去理解這情況，但我可以透過自己的體驗去證明這情況確實存於我們的生活裡。猜不少朋友或多或少也有過這樣的經歷，尤其是在一些我們要作出抉擇的關口。
＊＊＊
今天，跟兩位好友用膳，先是中環日本午餐，然後晚上有白酒配「意大利雀粟」（某好友為RISOTTO改的別稱）。美食，實在為我這天添上色彩，不過，更令人感到高興的是跟好友的對談。（只是，有點難為情，這天精神不好，兩個晚上沒好好睡，耳聽和大腦接收能力只及平日的兩成而已，語言表達能力更只一成，失禮極了。）
跟兩位好友年紀相約，不過大家走的路不同，各自在追逐心目中的「理想」。然而，大家（包括我在內）都似乎忽然間有點迷失。我說「忽然間」，因為我相信大家都有目標，又想做好自己，更明白自己對家人對別人所抱有的責任，只是站在今日的抉擇點之前，似乎稍為失去了方向。
說到底，所謂「方向」，就是「抉擇」，是自己在那些可能性之中，如何選擇最好的，踏出多一步，向目標進發。沒方向，可能只是一種猶豫，或者因為身邊的雜音太多，也可能是我們在生活上遇到的無形壓力，成了某程度上的顧慮，使我們在交叉點之前，停了下來。
有些人會說這是沒勇氣，又甚至是退縮。我不知道，自問沒資格去作任何批評，但我很清楚，自己也不斷在花力氣去建立個人的勇氣，學習如何理性及果斷地作出選擇，並盡量縮短考慮的時間。畢竟，時間不會等著我走，錯過了就沒得追回來。
在我的學習過程之中，我覺得最重要的是盡量留點空間給自己，讓自己有清晰的判斷力和明白個人心所想，同時令自己繼續有動力去實踐理想，依循自己選擇的「方向」努力。
說到這裡，猜朋友或會問，在香港，如何有空間？深信這是大部分香港人也會問的，（除非閣下是打工皇帝，不用愁。）長時間的工作，厭煩的工作令人透不過氣來云云。個人見解是，香港沒有如外國的空間，更沒有他們的工作文化，沒法子，我的香港人，大家也是，改不了；可變的，最後是自己的心態和如何為自己安排時間日誌，盡量在沒負面影響之下，騰點時間出來，做自己喜歡的事。
新年即將來臨，祝願好友跟其他所有朋友，都能找到方向，勇往直前。同時，亦可以騰出時間，做自己喜歡做的事。新一年新開始，坐言起行吧～！
後記：我花的力氣，除了在於建立個人勇氣，還有尋找出路，把自己喜歡的事轉化成我的工作，期望有日可以事半功倍，並且有無窮無盡的氣力去完成工作。我喜歡的，包括創意寫作、要酒和「出走」。
前天，離開咖啡館，途經中環獅子銀行，見到這畫面，拍了下來。
正值放工時間，看到身邊的人連放工都快步走著，是趕著離開地獄？還是想快點回家？其實，若果我們能把腳步放慢一點，又或間中停下來，那也是空間呢！
猜相中人在等朋友，他的姿態與神情，像告訴我他有時間有空間，等一下沒所謂！
09/02/2010
重整記憶，然後放下。（下）
雖然是那樣無語的一天 ，不過電話響起來，還是接了。不好意思，推卻了其中兩位朋友的臨時約會，精神不好，不外出了。另外兩個來電，一個是關於公務，一個只是好友閒談而已。
閒談間，再遇上兩個問題，其他好友亦曾問過：
（一）妳不如努力啲，買間大啲既屋，擺妳啲書啦！
（二）妳咁樣買書，唔買窮妳咩？
對於第一條題問，我一直以來的答案都是「好，我會努力。」，直至早陣子，我心裡浮出了另一個可能性。我猜自己有一天會放棄所有書，流浪去，還是不要大屋好了。來無一物，去無一物。把我所有的轉贈有緣人，不更好麼？
至於第二條題問，答案從沒變，有那樣花錢的嗜好，反成了加倍努力賺錢的動力。對我來說，花錢在增進知識提升智慧的嗜好，比其他只為奢華享受的，來得更重要。
掛線後，忽然想起好友曾問過我，收藏那麼多書，或多或少是為著點虛榮感吧，要告訴人我擁有的書籍數量，是想告訴人我讀了有幾多的書。我沒否認，可能有點吧，不過，要是真的為著虛榮的話，那我的「榮」不在於我有幾多本書，或讀過幾多本書，而在於自己能否把我的知識和智慧分享，又或將之融滙貫通，化成新的創作靈感，公諸同好。
想距這心願還有很大的距離，所以我還未真正體會到那虛榮感，同時，越看得多書，就越覺得自己的渺小，那又何來那虛榮感呢？
到最後，書看過了，路走過了，結局還都是那樣，無論我們花多少功夫，想去重整所學過的，又或是所有剩餘下來的記憶，還是徒然，「記憶」這回事，只屬於在世的人，而終歸又有何人能帶走記憶？
既然如此，一切，又何須執意呢？誰又會在意那虛榮感？
閒談間，再遇上兩個問題，其他好友亦曾問過：
（一）妳不如努力啲，買間大啲既屋，擺妳啲書啦！
（二）妳咁樣買書，唔買窮妳咩？
對於第一條題問，我一直以來的答案都是「好，我會努力。」，直至早陣子，我心裡浮出了另一個可能性。我猜自己有一天會放棄所有書，流浪去，還是不要大屋好了。來無一物，去無一物。把我所有的轉贈有緣人，不更好麼？
至於第二條題問，答案從沒變，有那樣花錢的嗜好，反成了加倍努力賺錢的動力。對我來說，花錢在增進知識提升智慧的嗜好，比其他只為奢華享受的，來得更重要。
掛線後，忽然想起好友曾問過我，收藏那麼多書，或多或少是為著點虛榮感吧，要告訴人我擁有的書籍數量，是想告訴人我讀了有幾多的書。我沒否認，可能有點吧，不過，要是真的為著虛榮的話，那我的「榮」不在於我有幾多本書，或讀過幾多本書，而在於自己能否把我的知識和智慧分享，又或將之融滙貫通，化成新的創作靈感，公諸同好。
想距這心願還有很大的距離，所以我還未真正體會到那虛榮感，同時，越看得多書，就越覺得自己的渺小，那又何來那虛榮感呢？
到最後，書看過了，路走過了，結局還都是那樣，無論我們花多少功夫，想去重整所學過的，又或是所有剩餘下來的記憶，還是徒然，「記憶」這回事，只屬於在世的人，而終歸又有何人能帶走記憶？
既然如此，一切，又何須執意呢？誰又會在意那虛榮感？
重整記憶，然後放下。（上）
昨天，雖似是悠閒下午，但腦裡想很多。
其實，有點煩，只是我學會了很快就把煩擾消除，拿起筆，不是畫，就是寫，把所有煩瑣事都化成文字或圖像，繼而成為動力之餘，亦成了宣示情感的最好方法，想比苦臉或言語間的不快更好吧！又或者，抽幾分鐘時間，看看雜誌或書本亦可。
就是那樣子過了一個下午。除了畫了昨天已登出的畫稿，還讀了本免費雜誌，其中一篇之中，筆者提到身邊有人離世，而每一次有親人或朋友離開，都要重整記憶，這個過程總是無語的。
不知是否真的日有所思，夜有所夢，結果昨晚嚴重失眠，三時上床，四時看鐘，五時聽到收音機傳來新聞報導，七時聽到家人起來準備外出，八時入睡，九時起床吃早餐。很討厭失眠，玩通宵飲通宵還可，不能入睡，簡直是折騰。
最後，起床後的精神差得很，寫不了稿，做不了其他事，決定要提早大掃除及重新整理我那個森林（我那森林可不是天生天養的，所要還是要人工處理一下）。我不只把所有書從書架拿下來清理一番，還把書的資料整理，終於完成大業，把我家的書架複製了個「在線版本」，一共有三百五十多本藏書〔朋友，若有興趣，可隨便借閱，遲些完成網頁新版面，可提供「在線書架」作參考〕。
我又把書枱上的所有物品重新排好，然後發現自己有八個筆筒，顏色筆的、墨水筆的、其他文具的、原子筆的...... 還有好幾瓶沙，有美國的、葡萄牙的、西西里的、中國的......
看著看著，我不禁問自己，是幾時把它們帶回來，它們在我這兒有多久？駭然驚覺我對它們大多沒有印象，只有幾件是我記得的，就連書本也要翻開來看，見到自己的筆跡，才記起自己在何時買了它回來，又或者誰送給我的。
***
若果身邊有人離開了，都要重整記憶的話，我想要是印象磨滅了，也可以算是離開了，也要重整記憶，重整僅餘的記憶，這個過程亦總是無語的。
今天，是那樣無語的一天。
其實，有點煩，只是我學會了很快就把煩擾消除，拿起筆，不是畫，就是寫，把所有煩瑣事都化成文字或圖像，繼而成為動力之餘，亦成了宣示情感的最好方法，想比苦臉或言語間的不快更好吧！又或者，抽幾分鐘時間，看看雜誌或書本亦可。
就是那樣子過了一個下午。除了畫了昨天已登出的畫稿，還讀了本免費雜誌，其中一篇之中，筆者提到身邊有人離世，而每一次有親人或朋友離開，都要重整記憶，這個過程總是無語的。
不知是否真的日有所思，夜有所夢，結果昨晚嚴重失眠，三時上床，四時看鐘，五時聽到收音機傳來新聞報導，七時聽到家人起來準備外出，八時入睡，九時起床吃早餐。很討厭失眠，玩通宵飲通宵還可，不能入睡，簡直是折騰。
最後，起床後的精神差得很，寫不了稿，做不了其他事，決定要提早大掃除及重新整理我那個森林（我那森林可不是天生天養的，所要還是要人工處理一下）。我不只把所有書從書架拿下來清理一番，還把書的資料整理，終於完成大業，把我家的書架複製了個「在線版本」，一共有三百五十多本藏書〔朋友，若有興趣，可隨便借閱，遲些完成網頁新版面，可提供「在線書架」作參考〕。
我又把書枱上的所有物品重新排好，然後發現自己有八個筆筒，顏色筆的、墨水筆的、其他文具的、原子筆的...... 還有好幾瓶沙，有美國的、葡萄牙的、西西里的、中國的......
看著看著，我不禁問自己，是幾時把它們帶回來，它們在我這兒有多久？駭然驚覺我對它們大多沒有印象，只有幾件是我記得的，就連書本也要翻開來看，見到自己的筆跡，才記起自己在何時買了它回來，又或者誰送給我的。
***
若果身邊有人離開了，都要重整記憶的話，我想要是印象磨滅了，也可以算是離開了，也要重整記憶，重整僅餘的記憶，這個過程亦總是無語的。
今天，是那樣無語的一天。
What does 'perfect' mean?
All a sudden, I came up this question in mind while I was reading the description about the book that I was about to buy today. I really wanted to buy that book - but it was sealed, completely sealed. I wasn't sure if I really wanted to buy that, plus, I got quite a few books at home I haven't finished yet. So, I did all my effort to give a hold, then I came back home and checked online what that book is all about. (Now, I decided, I should buy!)
Anyway - so I was reading the description about the book that I wanted to buy. The author of this book passed away in 1977, and this book is indeed an incomplete one. He told his wife to burn all his writing - but she didn't do that. After his wife died, their son decided to publish this book after over 30 years of private debate on whether to follow the will of the author or not.
Finally, the author's will was not respected. The book was incomplete, the life of the author was not made 'perfect' as his wish didn't come true. His piece went public at the end.
***
In fact, I guess we never know what means by 'perfect', or if ever 'perfect' would be there in our lives. Probably that's because wants are unlimited, and no one can predict what's gonna happen next in our lives. Also, sometimes, no matter how 'perfect' we want to be (or how great we could do in order to make it 'perfect'), there are others around who might turn around the situation.
Life is like that - unpredictable, full of surprises, and changing every moment.
Now, I still want to strive for the best for everything I do, and avoid any 'unexpected' as far as I can (especially at work). Yet, if anything happened not the way I wanted - I'll just tell myself "'Let it be. See if any other way to sort it out. Sure there will be the way out if there is the will. Nothing gonna be perfect anyway."
***
I decided to buy the book:
The Original of Laura, by Vladimir Nabokov.
http://www.penguinclassics.co.uk/nf/Book/BookDisplay/0,,9780141191157,00.html
***
The first book I read, written by Vladimir Nabokov, was 'Lolita'. I read that when I was studying F.5. It was a hard time reading the book indeed, simply too difficult for me. Soon I started writing here, I turned to my bookshelf and grabbed the book 'Lolita'. Then I found this piece of paper folded, hidden there for more than 10years!! All written there were vocabularies that I didn't understand, which I looked up from the dictionary one by one in order to understand the story...
Anyway - so I was reading the description about the book that I wanted to buy. The author of this book passed away in 1977, and this book is indeed an incomplete one. He told his wife to burn all his writing - but she didn't do that. After his wife died, their son decided to publish this book after over 30 years of private debate on whether to follow the will of the author or not.
Finally, the author's will was not respected. The book was incomplete, the life of the author was not made 'perfect' as his wish didn't come true. His piece went public at the end.
***
In fact, I guess we never know what means by 'perfect', or if ever 'perfect' would be there in our lives. Probably that's because wants are unlimited, and no one can predict what's gonna happen next in our lives. Also, sometimes, no matter how 'perfect' we want to be (or how great we could do in order to make it 'perfect'), there are others around who might turn around the situation.
Life is like that - unpredictable, full of surprises, and changing every moment.
Now, I still want to strive for the best for everything I do, and avoid any 'unexpected' as far as I can (especially at work). Yet, if anything happened not the way I wanted - I'll just tell myself "'Let it be. See if any other way to sort it out. Sure there will be the way out if there is the will. Nothing gonna be perfect anyway."
***
I decided to buy the book:
The Original of Laura, by Vladimir Nabokov.
http://www.penguinclassics.co.uk/nf/Book/BookDisplay/0,,9780141191157,00.html
***
The first book I read, written by Vladimir Nabokov, was 'Lolita'. I read that when I was studying F.5. It was a hard time reading the book indeed, simply too difficult for me. Soon I started writing here, I turned to my bookshelf and grabbed the book 'Lolita'. Then I found this piece of paper folded, hidden there for more than 10years!! All written there were vocabularies that I didn't understand, which I looked up from the dictionary one by one in order to understand the story...
08/02/2010
Capricorn (Dec 22 - Jan 19) [published Feb 5 in a weekly magazine]
"The great composer does not set to work because he is inspired," wrote music critic Ernest Newman, "but becomes inspired because he is working. Beethoven, Wagner, Bach, and Mozart settled down day after day to the job in hand. They didn't waste time waiting for inspiration."
I think what Newman said applies to those working in any field where creativity is needed - which is really just about every field. Given your current astrological omens, Capricorn, it's especially apropos for you now. This is an excellent time to increase your mastery of the kind of discipline that spurs inventive thought and surprising breakthroughs.
****
I smiled when I read the first sentence, and then couldn't stop laughing after I finished reading the whole thing. 'inspiration', 'creativity', and 'breakthrough' - simply all the elements I have had in this week, especially since last Sat night!!
I'll keep going, and make my dream come true.
P.S. By the way, actually... my dream is... to be a 'farmer' in Italy, and grow the crop I like most! That's GRAPES!!
I think what Newman said applies to those working in any field where creativity is needed - which is really just about every field. Given your current astrological omens, Capricorn, it's especially apropos for you now. This is an excellent time to increase your mastery of the kind of discipline that spurs inventive thought and surprising breakthroughs.
****
I smiled when I read the first sentence, and then couldn't stop laughing after I finished reading the whole thing. 'inspiration', 'creativity', and 'breakthrough' - simply all the elements I have had in this week, especially since last Sat night!!
I'll keep going, and make my dream come true.
P.S. By the way, actually... my dream is... to be a 'farmer' in Italy, and grow the crop I like most! That's GRAPES!!
一次分享所喚起的回憶。
答應好友，跟他分享一個故事。
那是很久以前的故事，
實際上，有些情節已經變得模糊，尤其是那些令人感傷的幾段，
還記得的只是故事的主線。
忘記了那時的日子是怎樣過的，
猜當時那「遺憾」的感覺強烈如燒傷了一般，
從故事開始至終結，沒間斷。
畢竟我不否認讓故事有機會被編寫下去，
也許是錯的，
然而，我相信到最後，
我決定要為故事寫下一個結局，
不讓它延續下去，
就是彌補過錯的最大決心。
多謝好友聽罷故事後，送上的祝福。
其實，寫下了那個故事結局以後，
我相信收到一份祝福，
已經是最大的幸福，
其他的都不重要。
無論那份祝福最後會否在現實中兌現，
相信我的人生還是豐盛的，
因為我會繼續實踐「人生得意須盡歡」的理念，過每天。
那是很久以前的故事，
實際上，有些情節已經變得模糊，尤其是那些令人感傷的幾段，
還記得的只是故事的主線。
忘記了那時的日子是怎樣過的，
猜當時那「遺憾」的感覺強烈如燒傷了一般，
從故事開始至終結，沒間斷。
畢竟我不否認讓故事有機會被編寫下去，
也許是錯的，
然而，我相信到最後，
我決定要為故事寫下一個結局，
不讓它延續下去，
就是彌補過錯的最大決心。
多謝好友聽罷故事後，送上的祝福。
其實，寫下了那個故事結局以後，
我相信收到一份祝福，
已經是最大的幸福，
其他的都不重要。
無論那份祝福最後會否在現實中兌現，
相信我的人生還是豐盛的，
因為我會繼續實踐「人生得意須盡歡」的理念，過每天。
07/02/2010
好一個星期六的晚上。
再一次多謝好友的縱容，賞面一起共進晚膳，享用了前前後後共七枝美酒。雖不是甚麼名貴上品，但希望大家都覺得一起度過的時刻，才是最重要和最珍貴的（或這跟我的’專業’有點相違，但相信酒的精髓是在於大家享受的時光，而非學術或理智地去品評那枝酒...)
真的是「好一個星期六的晚上」，實在這個星期遇上的衝擊、情緒問題、生計問題、仕途問題、感情瓜葛等等，不容易處理，坦白的，事實上，我亦未找到一個十全十美的解決方案。然而，在那樣多個人的負面思緒中，多得好友奉陪，大家一起嘻嘻哈哈，不談各樣的煩惱，只有說有笑，那樣已經是最好的抒懷之法。
同時，因為大家的相聚溝通和交流，和有酒精的陪伴，大家這個晚上，回家後，都可以睡一覺好的。
又因為這個晚上，多謝大家給我的INSIGHT，我會繼續努力下去，向目標進發，更要做好自己，為自己，為朋友，為搼我的每位好友，和為我將來的路......
在此，亦祝福這個晚上一起狂歡和發癲的好友們，事事順利，新年到來，一切安好，開開心心過每一天～！（當然，亦祝願每一位只在FACEBOOK 相遇的，又或是良久未見的... ... 總之，所有人，萬事如意～！）
真的是「好一個星期六的晚上」，實在這個星期遇上的衝擊、情緒問題、生計問題、仕途問題、感情瓜葛等等，不容易處理，坦白的，事實上，我亦未找到一個十全十美的解決方案。然而，在那樣多個人的負面思緒中，多得好友奉陪，大家一起嘻嘻哈哈，不談各樣的煩惱，只有說有笑，那樣已經是最好的抒懷之法。
同時，因為大家的相聚溝通和交流，和有酒精的陪伴，大家這個晚上，回家後，都可以睡一覺好的。
又因為這個晚上，多謝大家給我的INSIGHT，我會繼續努力下去，向目標進發，更要做好自己，為自己，為朋友，為搼我的每位好友，和為我將來的路......
在此，亦祝福這個晚上一起狂歡和發癲的好友們，事事順利，新年到來，一切安好，開開心心過每一天～！（當然，亦祝願每一位只在FACEBOOK 相遇的，又或是良久未見的... ... 總之，所有人，萬事如意～！）
06/02/2010
太著迷。｜Indulgence.
如痴如醉。
太愛這個地方。
太著迷於那個藍天。
醉倒在那歷史與藝術之下。
Indulged in this place,
so much into the blue sky,
the history and the arts.
***
@梵蒂岡｜Vatican
@羅馬｜Rome
(註：灰衣人是真人，非雕像｜note: the grey one is a REAL man, not statue)
太愛這個地方。
太著迷於那個藍天。
醉倒在那歷史與藝術之下。
Indulged in this place,
so much into the blue sky,
the history and the arts.
***
@梵蒂岡｜Vatican
@羅馬｜Rome
(註：灰衣人是真人，非雕像｜note: the grey one is a REAL man, not statue)
無悔無恨，繼續敢愛
多謝各位好友關心，包括工作/事業和感情。
只想說一句，
不論工作/事業或感情，
都無悔無恨。
雖的確有不少不愉快事件發生過，
但我心裡很明白，
無論任何人，總有自己的理由，
我作為另一個獨立個體，實無法干預，
亦沒意去擾攘。
要是明白我的人，又或是大家有緣有份的話，
可以一起繼續工作，可以一起走餘下的人生路。
既然到了某一個時間，
大家發現道不同，
當然結局自然是不相為謀。
因此，即使當初大家發現了不能一起再走，
之後又鬧得如何不愉快，
甚至是我自己有多歇斯底里，
最終，
無悔亦無恨。
雖然，我不排除有所怨尤，
但那都只是對自己，
克己而對人以寬才是我想的。
曾有朋友對我說，
「妳經常遇人不淑，是命。」
聽罷，頓時呆了，啞口無言，
只不過，要是真的如此，
自己更該無悔無恨，不能就著這原因而讓自己繼續沉下去；
要是事實並非如此，那就更應聽我心，繼續堅持自己的信念，
繼續敢愛，
愛我的工作，愛我的酒，愛我未來或會遇上的一個人。
後記：相信每一個人對自己的言行，都負有相當的責任。除了對別人的責任，亦有對自己的。所以每一次到了要作抉擇的關口，每一個人都會算過計過，即使是衝動的也好，還是一個自己的決定。因為這樣的想法，我不信有「悔不當初」。
只想說一句，
不論工作/事業或感情，
都無悔無恨。
雖的確有不少不愉快事件發生過，
但我心裡很明白，
無論任何人，總有自己的理由，
我作為另一個獨立個體，實無法干預，
亦沒意去擾攘。
要是明白我的人，又或是大家有緣有份的話，
可以一起繼續工作，可以一起走餘下的人生路。
既然到了某一個時間，
大家發現道不同，
當然結局自然是不相為謀。
因此，即使當初大家發現了不能一起再走，
之後又鬧得如何不愉快，
甚至是我自己有多歇斯底里，
最終，
無悔亦無恨。
雖然，我不排除有所怨尤，
但那都只是對自己，
克己而對人以寬才是我想的。
曾有朋友對我說，
「妳經常遇人不淑，是命。」
聽罷，頓時呆了，啞口無言，
只不過，要是真的如此，
自己更該無悔無恨，不能就著這原因而讓自己繼續沉下去；
要是事實並非如此，那就更應聽我心，繼續堅持自己的信念，
繼續敢愛，
愛我的工作，愛我的酒，愛我未來或會遇上的一個人。
後記：相信每一個人對自己的言行，都負有相當的責任。除了對別人的責任，亦有對自己的。所以每一次到了要作抉擇的關口，每一個人都會算過計過，即使是衝動的也好，還是一個自己的決定。因為這樣的想法，我不信有「悔不當初」。
05/02/2010
我的紅蘋果
那是大霧的一天，我走到了歐洲最西。
由Cascais到那兒，要個多小時的車程，
於是，出門後，就先到超市，買早餐。
我買了的早餐，是兩個大大的紅蘋果，
打算到那崖邊，聽海的聲音，吃蘋果。
到了，下車了，第二次到這裡來，
感覺，不同了，跟第一次不同了。
那是大風的早上，我在大海前面聽風，
走著走著，看見天上的霧在移動飄著。
就在那一點，我拿了蘋果出來，
選了那個可以平放在木樁上的，
就是那樣，我拍下了這張照片。
回來後，愛不釋手，
還拿了它來做咭片。
－－－
今天，又被問到關於這個蘋果的故事。
自我印起了咭片以來，幾近每一次有人問起，
我都只會答，「那是我在葡萄牙拍的呀，那是我的早餐.. ...」
又或我會說，「那是我呀！」
這天答完那個問題後，
忽然想起另外三個人... ...
一是牛頓，二是夏娃，三是亞當。
在牛頓的故事裡，蘋果啟發了他，自始有了萬有引力之說；
在亞當夏娃的故事裡，蘋果是禁果，
他們吃了，被逐出伊甸園。
那在我的故事裡，
蘋果又給了我甚麼指引呢？
後記：
這蘋果，的確是非一般的紅蘋果，至少它的紅給我留住了，
同時，見過我的相，看過紅蘋果的朋友都會讚美它，
因為大家，所以它成了非一般的紅蘋果。
04/02/2010
The Art of Travel (III)
Started writing my another piece of travel write-up. Frankly, I was not sure if this will be published or not. Let's see. Yet, I enjoyed the process a lot, during which I had a lot of thinking about life and MY living.
I know people might tell me 'Don't think too much' - but then I realized it is because of such thinking - I turned out to be the one who I am. I didn't mean to be just think and think, get stuck there, then no conclusion or not moving on because there might be confusion or sadness or whatsoever something that hinder us. What I meant is to think and get to the point that could keep me go on with energy.
My friend just said to me last night on msn that I am really energetic (I don't know how many of those there were, who have already said something like this before). Honestly, I don't think I'm THAT energetic, and might be occasionally not that postive-thinking as friends thought I am. Very likely, deeply inside, I got some kind of pessimistic mindset indeed.
My friend also asked me if travel can really take someone away and make one a better self eventually. No doubt, my answer was 'YES' (for me). +100% firm on this. I know friends who like travelling too - and everyone of them got differnt 'habits' or 'views' on travel. Some take it as a 'shopping trip', some as an 'escape', some think that is a 'quality time with my sweetheart'... there are plenty of reasons for travelling - and plenty different possibilities of what one gets from the trip.
On the other hand, there were many times that I heard of disappointment about a trip - it could be because 'weather was so bad, i couldn't go out at all.' or 'I had a big fight with my honey, and in fact, we just broke up!' or 'the tour guide was really bad.' OH well - for these years, since I felt like myself as a 'traveller', not a 'tourist' - I never came across such kind of situation anymore.
That was actually another question I have been asking myself, 'Why would I enjoy every single trip I have had, no matter how it was?' In fact, I had bad times too - yes, bad ones. I got lost, I got frustrated, I got stuck in mind, I felt like I was no one in nowhere, I missed my ex-, I worried about my work, I worried about my career... - after all, I am just a human being. I never denied I had such times.
The thing is while on the road, I saw many new things, I met new people, I came acorss situation which I had to deal with - probably not from any experience I had encountered before, nor any of my way of thinking could deal with that. Remember, I was AWAY from my familiar place - basically in another culture, with people speaking another language.
I started to learn how to deal with people from all around - having different way of thinking, or at different level in the society. I got to learn how to tell what is good, and what is bad; what is safe, and what is dangerous; what is something I like, and something I dislike; what is my preference; how to get that done; how to make it work out... all those turned out to be another sort of experience which I could never get while I am in Hong Kong, staying with my friends and family.
Another thing is about curiosity - I started asking questions and questions. Then during my trip, I would be there finding out the answers or some ways to get to the answers. Usually these kinds of questions would be related to the architecture I've seen, or artpiece I came across, or some kind of customs in that foreign country, or even just simply about the plants/ animals there, or about how people dressed, or just something I have never imagined before.
At the end, I found that I liked all my trips simply because there was no longer much expectation about the trip - I just went with the flow. I just wandered around and learnt something there - about culture, about people, about the city... Everyday - there was something new. And all these would then trigger my thought about life, and MY living. Indeed, the curiosity and all the NEW things I captured through my senses have brought me the contented feeling, and the happiness eventually no matter what had happened.
Guess I am the lucky one who can keep such kind of feeling even after I come back to Hong Kong after my trip. There came the energy I have here with me, and the passion burning in my heart.
***
I'll keep going.
I know people might tell me 'Don't think too much' - but then I realized it is because of such thinking - I turned out to be the one who I am. I didn't mean to be just think and think, get stuck there, then no conclusion or not moving on because there might be confusion or sadness or whatsoever something that hinder us. What I meant is to think and get to the point that could keep me go on with energy.
My friend just said to me last night on msn that I am really energetic (I don't know how many of those there were, who have already said something like this before). Honestly, I don't think I'm THAT energetic, and might be occasionally not that postive-thinking as friends thought I am. Very likely, deeply inside, I got some kind of pessimistic mindset indeed.
My friend also asked me if travel can really take someone away and make one a better self eventually. No doubt, my answer was 'YES' (for me). +100% firm on this. I know friends who like travelling too - and everyone of them got differnt 'habits' or 'views' on travel. Some take it as a 'shopping trip', some as an 'escape', some think that is a 'quality time with my sweetheart'... there are plenty of reasons for travelling - and plenty different possibilities of what one gets from the trip.
On the other hand, there were many times that I heard of disappointment about a trip - it could be because 'weather was so bad, i couldn't go out at all.' or 'I had a big fight with my honey, and in fact, we just broke up!' or 'the tour guide was really bad.' OH well - for these years, since I felt like myself as a 'traveller', not a 'tourist' - I never came across such kind of situation anymore.
That was actually another question I have been asking myself, 'Why would I enjoy every single trip I have had, no matter how it was?' In fact, I had bad times too - yes, bad ones. I got lost, I got frustrated, I got stuck in mind, I felt like I was no one in nowhere, I missed my ex-, I worried about my work, I worried about my career... - after all, I am just a human being. I never denied I had such times.
The thing is while on the road, I saw many new things, I met new people, I came acorss situation which I had to deal with - probably not from any experience I had encountered before, nor any of my way of thinking could deal with that. Remember, I was AWAY from my familiar place - basically in another culture, with people speaking another language.
I started to learn how to deal with people from all around - having different way of thinking, or at different level in the society. I got to learn how to tell what is good, and what is bad; what is safe, and what is dangerous; what is something I like, and something I dislike; what is my preference; how to get that done; how to make it work out... all those turned out to be another sort of experience which I could never get while I am in Hong Kong, staying with my friends and family.
Another thing is about curiosity - I started asking questions and questions. Then during my trip, I would be there finding out the answers or some ways to get to the answers. Usually these kinds of questions would be related to the architecture I've seen, or artpiece I came across, or some kind of customs in that foreign country, or even just simply about the plants/ animals there, or about how people dressed, or just something I have never imagined before.
At the end, I found that I liked all my trips simply because there was no longer much expectation about the trip - I just went with the flow. I just wandered around and learnt something there - about culture, about people, about the city... Everyday - there was something new. And all these would then trigger my thought about life, and MY living. Indeed, the curiosity and all the NEW things I captured through my senses have brought me the contented feeling, and the happiness eventually no matter what had happened.
Guess I am the lucky one who can keep such kind of feeling even after I come back to Hong Kong after my trip. There came the energy I have here with me, and the passion burning in my heart.
***
I'll keep going.
<> A photo my 'din por' friend shared with me. P.S. Perhaps some friends have realized that I always get lost in Hong Kong. In fact, whenever away from Hong Kong, I seldom get lost! You know why now...
02/02/2010
美麗的謊言
不知道那句「美麗的謊言」出自何處，但當中的含意實在發人心省。
孩童時代，師長教導我們要做個誠實的孩子，不要說謊；
開始懂事了，就發現外面的世界充斥著謊話，更甚的，是家庭裡都可能存在著謊話；
進入了「社會大學」，雖未至要說謊，但總要學會掩飾，尤其是情感，
掩飾得好的，被指為擁有高的EQ (Emotional Intelligence, 情緒智商)，是好的表現;
至於感情生活當中，又何嘗沒有謊言的存在？
常見的說謊理由是不想對方多心，多疑，多猜忌。
怎麼說也好，不論在那刻那處出現的謊言，都是美麗的，
因為說謊者所為的，只不過是想得到一個「完滿的結局」。
然而，我深信凡事兩面看，
誰會知道我眼中那「完滿的結局」會否是別人眼中的悲劇，
他人腦海裡那「完滿的結局」又是否我心裡的傷感？
今天，無論是理智或感情，
我再分不出謊話是真的那樣美麗，
還是那只是醜惡的掩飾。
誰知何謂「真心」與「真話」？
我們又憑甚麼說那是「假情」與「謊言」？
倒頭來，還不就是我心認定的一切，作了最終裁決的基本？
既是如此，
心澄比其他一切更為重要。
眼見的耳聽的，可以是虛幻，
心看到的和感受到的，也許是最「真」的。
說到底，
信不信由你。
***
@波蘭(2008)
孩童時代，師長教導我們要做個誠實的孩子，不要說謊；
開始懂事了，就發現外面的世界充斥著謊話，更甚的，是家庭裡都可能存在著謊話；
進入了「社會大學」，雖未至要說謊，但總要學會掩飾，尤其是情感，
掩飾得好的，被指為擁有高的EQ (Emotional Intelligence, 情緒智商)，是好的表現;
至於感情生活當中，又何嘗沒有謊言的存在？
常見的說謊理由是不想對方多心，多疑，多猜忌。
怎麼說也好，不論在那刻那處出現的謊言，都是美麗的，
因為說謊者所為的，只不過是想得到一個「完滿的結局」。
然而，我深信凡事兩面看，
誰會知道我眼中那「完滿的結局」會否是別人眼中的悲劇，
他人腦海裡那「完滿的結局」又是否我心裡的傷感？
今天，無論是理智或感情，
我再分不出謊話是真的那樣美麗，
還是那只是醜惡的掩飾。
誰知何謂「真心」與「真話」？
我們又憑甚麼說那是「假情」與「謊言」？
倒頭來，還不就是我心認定的一切，作了最終裁決的基本？
既是如此，
心澄比其他一切更為重要。
眼見的耳聽的，可以是虛幻，
心看到的和感受到的，也許是最「真」的。
說到底，
信不信由你。
***
@波蘭(2008)
A Beautiful Lie
Not sure where comes that line 'A Beautiful Life', but the meaning in that made me think.
In childhood years, our teachers and seniors told us to be honest, not to tell lies;
when we grow older, we realized there are many lies around in the world,
there might be ones even at home;
we then entered into the 'University of Society', although not to the extent that we have to tell lies,
but we got to know how to hide our true feelings or emotions sometimes.
For those who can hide them well, people said they have a 'high EQ (Emotional Intelligence), which is good.
How about relationship? There could be lies in there too.
There are always reasons behind - such as 'don't wanna him/her think too much'.
Whatever, it doesn't matter when and where the lie comes up,
it is a beautiful lie, because it's just that the liar wants a 'happy ending'.
However, just like there are always two sides for a coin,
who knows the 'happy ending' in my eyes is acutally a tragedy in others' eyes?
Who knows whether the 'happy ending' in someone's mind would be indeed a heart-breaking one for me?
No matter rationally or emotionally,
I couldn't tell if lies are really that beautiful,
or that saying is simply there masking the sin behind.
I bet no one can really tell what means by 'truth' & 'heartfelt words'.
What ground do we have for saying that is just a plot or those are lies?
After all, it's our heart which make the final decision.
If so, what we see & feel from heart is the most important,
that IS the truth.
It's all up to you whether you believe in that or not.
***
@Poland (2008)
In childhood years, our teachers and seniors told us to be honest, not to tell lies;
when we grow older, we realized there are many lies around in the world,
there might be ones even at home;
we then entered into the 'University of Society', although not to the extent that we have to tell lies,
but we got to know how to hide our true feelings or emotions sometimes.
For those who can hide them well, people said they have a 'high EQ (Emotional Intelligence), which is good.
How about relationship? There could be lies in there too.
There are always reasons behind - such as 'don't wanna him/her think too much'.
Whatever, it doesn't matter when and where the lie comes up,
it is a beautiful lie, because it's just that the liar wants a 'happy ending'.
However, just like there are always two sides for a coin,
who knows the 'happy ending' in my eyes is acutally a tragedy in others' eyes?
Who knows whether the 'happy ending' in someone's mind would be indeed a heart-breaking one for me?
No matter rationally or emotionally,
I couldn't tell if lies are really that beautiful,
or that saying is simply there masking the sin behind.
I bet no one can really tell what means by 'truth' & 'heartfelt words'.
What ground do we have for saying that is just a plot or those are lies?
After all, it's our heart which make the final decision.
If so, what we see & feel from heart is the most important,
that IS the truth.
It's all up to you whether you believe in that or not.
***
@Poland (2008)
The Art of Travel (II)
There was another question I have been asking myself too - 'Where's next?'. I couldn't stop thinking of the image of a map, and then I would start thinking 'How many hours it would take me to get to elsewhere there from Hong Kong?'
In fact, is it because of the distance I like - got to get far away from where I was born, where I live? Or is it because I like being there on the plane, and feeling as if I am flying freely in the sky?
The very first question has triggered a series of questions... questions... and questions...
A week ago, I came back from China. All a sudden, I felt like I got the answers to many questions. Not quite sure how this transition came up, it just happened.
I realized it is NOT the distance I like, which made me wanna travel. If so, I would not have enjoyed my trip to China. The distance is not comparable to that to Europe.
I realized it is NOT that I like being on the plane. I never felt like flying freely in the sky while sitting with the seatbelt fastened, plus hearing the announcement saying that 'we are now going through some turbulence. The toilet is closed. Please go back to your seat and have your seatbelt fastened'.
I found that what I truly enjoyed was being 'away' - without anyone around knowing who I am, or where I come from. Staying at home, I got the 'identity' as my mom's daughter; staying among my friends, I am 'Jennifer' who they know; participating in a wine dinner, I would be expected as a 'wine expert'... I never got the 'real chance' to know who I really am. The 'identity' is not exactly ME - that is somehow 'expectation' from around.
Being 'away' somewhere else has brought me the time, realizing who I really am. No one knows me, I am just a 'no one' in the eyes of the passers-by or people I meet during my trip. Chances are there I would be asked where I come from; there are also chances that they would ask me what I do in my country. It is because of such communications, I know who I am.
Remembered there were few occasions when my friend asked me why I wanted to travel, and being away that long. One friend told me it is 'luxurious escape', the other friend said to me 'you must have broken up with your boyfriend', and another said 'you never like Hong Kong'. My response to them was everytime a simple 'yes'. However, today - I realized not exactly indeed.
I wanted to travel because I wanted to be 'away'; being 'away', I could spend the time to search for 'self' and search for thoughts.
***
I'll keep going.
Myth (1): How could you 'communicate' with others while you speak different language from that they speak (and English/ Mandarin doesn't work out)?
Jen: Well, body language is universal. That's the best way to communicate.
Myth (2): Do you talk to any other while travelling on your own?
Jen: How can I not speak at all? No way! I like meeting new people and making new friends. Also because of the conversation, I learn more about their lives and my own life.
In fact, is it because of the distance I like - got to get far away from where I was born, where I live? Or is it because I like being there on the plane, and feeling as if I am flying freely in the sky?
The very first question has triggered a series of questions... questions... and questions...
A week ago, I came back from China. All a sudden, I felt like I got the answers to many questions. Not quite sure how this transition came up, it just happened.
I realized it is NOT the distance I like, which made me wanna travel. If so, I would not have enjoyed my trip to China. The distance is not comparable to that to Europe.
I realized it is NOT that I like being on the plane. I never felt like flying freely in the sky while sitting with the seatbelt fastened, plus hearing the announcement saying that 'we are now going through some turbulence. The toilet is closed. Please go back to your seat and have your seatbelt fastened'.
I found that what I truly enjoyed was being 'away' - without anyone around knowing who I am, or where I come from. Staying at home, I got the 'identity' as my mom's daughter; staying among my friends, I am 'Jennifer' who they know; participating in a wine dinner, I would be expected as a 'wine expert'... I never got the 'real chance' to know who I really am. The 'identity' is not exactly ME - that is somehow 'expectation' from around.
Being 'away' somewhere else has brought me the time, realizing who I really am. No one knows me, I am just a 'no one' in the eyes of the passers-by or people I meet during my trip. Chances are there I would be asked where I come from; there are also chances that they would ask me what I do in my country. It is because of such communications, I know who I am.
Remembered there were few occasions when my friend asked me why I wanted to travel, and being away that long. One friend told me it is 'luxurious escape', the other friend said to me 'you must have broken up with your boyfriend', and another said 'you never like Hong Kong'. My response to them was everytime a simple 'yes'. However, today - I realized not exactly indeed.
I wanted to travel because I wanted to be 'away'; being 'away', I could spend the time to search for 'self' and search for thoughts.
***
I'll keep going.
Taken @Henan Musuem.
Myth (1): How could you 'communicate' with others while you speak different language from that they speak (and English/ Mandarin doesn't work out)?
Jen: Well, body language is universal. That's the best way to communicate.
Myth (2): Do you talk to any other while travelling on your own?
Jen: How can I not speak at all? No way! I like meeting new people and making new friends. Also because of the conversation, I learn more about their lives and my own life.
01/02/2010
Dialogue with a scientist
Thanks for my dear friend, who doesn't mind talking to this 'ScienceArtsBusiness Schizophrenia' patient.
Not sure if that is inborn, or due to the training/ education during my childhood, seems I got some kind of 'intelligence' to understand more from these three 'Worlds'. Although I was saying 'Three Worlds', to me, they are indeed in One World where I am living at.
Among my friends, there are quite some focusing on the knowledge in one of the 'Three Worlds'. Frankly, I really admire them. They have got that talent, the mentality and the focus. Scientists go after the 'truth' or want to improve the lives of human beings through their new inventions. Artists focus on aesthetics, which could possibly bring human beings the feeling of contented in heart. Businessmen were sometimes blame for their commercial focus. There is a Chinese saying 'If not doing something wicked, one cannot be a businessman'. That could imply all businessman are cunning ones. Yet, if they do not exist, who would push the economy? How can we be living a wealthy life? How could there be any civilization?
Tonight, I spoke with a scientist. Then I realized my 'ScienceArtsBusiness Schizophrenia' is at quite a critical stage. I liked science subjects when I was still at high school. Together with a few other classmates, I joined the Mathematic Olympiad in F.4. I should be a scientist. However, I like reading novels. A few years ago, I met a high school friend who I hadn't met for long time. She remembered me as 'the classmate who liked reading Jane Austen'. I liked artpieces, and calligraphy too. So, seems like I should be an artist. Towards end of my high school years, it was time to think about what to study in university. No doubt, I chose Bachelor of Business Administration. I believed I wanted to be a businesswoman. Then I entered into Business School of HKUST. After graduation, my friends kept saying that I always think about business. That tells I should be a businesswoman.
So far in my life, I still have some kind of passion towards the knowledge in these 'Three Worlds'. I couldn't really make my choice, focusing on either of one only. I felt like living in the ideal united world...
Epilogue: Mr. Scientist suggested two questions, which made me think. (1) How come you like wine so much? (2) What is 'Arts'? I didn't answer at that moment - I simply didn't have the answer. Then, I was travelling on the tram, then the answers came up in mind.
(1) I like wines, it's not just because of the drunken feeling which I couldn't have come across while awake. It's also because of the 'ScienceArtsBusiness Schizophrenia' I mentioned above. Studying more in-depth about wines, plus living my life in reality, I should be travelling between the 'Three Worlds'. Basically, I couldn't find any other subject or work, that make me feel that 'ScienceArtsBusiness Schizophrenia' is actually something worth existing. (Even though I like travelling around, not leaving any footprint, or doing work anonymous, having the purpose of existence is still important for someone living a fruitful life and to survive).
(2) Like what Mr. Scientist's friend suggested, Arts is a kind of dialogue between two - the artist and the viewer. On top, I believe it's actually a dialogue without an boundary of 'time'. I love the work by artists Auguste Rodin (1840-1917), his artpieces show the love, hate, desire and passion, plus depict the fine details of living. In fact, those exist anywhere anytime. During the conversation with Mr. Scientist, he mentioned another artist Pierre-Auguste Renoir (1841-1919). I don't know this artist much. All I remembered is his Impressionism work, showing the happy faces and crowded gathering moments. After that, I suddenly thought of another Impressionist, Claude Monet (1840-1926). One of his famous series of work includes 'Water Lilies'. Yet, the one I recalled is a series of paintings of 'Rouen Cathedral' in France. That's a series of paintings, showing the different light/ shadow seen outside the church.
** The dialogue with Mr. Scientist triggered a thought in mind: IF 'ScienceArtsBusiness Schizophrenia' patient has to be sent to psych-homes, I think my friend has got the potential to be my neighbor! **
About：
Rodin: < http://www.musee-rodin.fr/welcome.htm >
Renoir: < http://www.expo-renoir.com/1_3.cfm?id=37594414 >
Monet: < http://www.theartwolf.com/monet_cathedral.htm >
Not sure if that is inborn, or due to the training/ education during my childhood, seems I got some kind of 'intelligence' to understand more from these three 'Worlds'. Although I was saying 'Three Worlds', to me, they are indeed in One World where I am living at.
Among my friends, there are quite some focusing on the knowledge in one of the 'Three Worlds'. Frankly, I really admire them. They have got that talent, the mentality and the focus. Scientists go after the 'truth' or want to improve the lives of human beings through their new inventions. Artists focus on aesthetics, which could possibly bring human beings the feeling of contented in heart. Businessmen were sometimes blame for their commercial focus. There is a Chinese saying 'If not doing something wicked, one cannot be a businessman'. That could imply all businessman are cunning ones. Yet, if they do not exist, who would push the economy? How can we be living a wealthy life? How could there be any civilization?
Tonight, I spoke with a scientist. Then I realized my 'ScienceArtsBusiness Schizophrenia' is at quite a critical stage. I liked science subjects when I was still at high school. Together with a few other classmates, I joined the Mathematic Olympiad in F.4. I should be a scientist. However, I like reading novels. A few years ago, I met a high school friend who I hadn't met for long time. She remembered me as 'the classmate who liked reading Jane Austen'. I liked artpieces, and calligraphy too. So, seems like I should be an artist. Towards end of my high school years, it was time to think about what to study in university. No doubt, I chose Bachelor of Business Administration. I believed I wanted to be a businesswoman. Then I entered into Business School of HKUST. After graduation, my friends kept saying that I always think about business. That tells I should be a businesswoman.
So far in my life, I still have some kind of passion towards the knowledge in these 'Three Worlds'. I couldn't really make my choice, focusing on either of one only. I felt like living in the ideal united world...
Epilogue: Mr. Scientist suggested two questions, which made me think. (1) How come you like wine so much? (2) What is 'Arts'? I didn't answer at that moment - I simply didn't have the answer. Then, I was travelling on the tram, then the answers came up in mind.
(1) I like wines, it's not just because of the drunken feeling which I couldn't have come across while awake. It's also because of the 'ScienceArtsBusiness Schizophrenia' I mentioned above. Studying more in-depth about wines, plus living my life in reality, I should be travelling between the 'Three Worlds'. Basically, I couldn't find any other subject or work, that make me feel that 'ScienceArtsBusiness Schizophrenia' is actually something worth existing. (Even though I like travelling around, not leaving any footprint, or doing work anonymous, having the purpose of existence is still important for someone living a fruitful life and to survive).
(2) Like what Mr. Scientist's friend suggested, Arts is a kind of dialogue between two - the artist and the viewer. On top, I believe it's actually a dialogue without an boundary of 'time'. I love the work by artists Auguste Rodin (1840-1917), his artpieces show the love, hate, desire and passion, plus depict the fine details of living. In fact, those exist anywhere anytime. During the conversation with Mr. Scientist, he mentioned another artist Pierre-Auguste Renoir (1841-1919). I don't know this artist much. All I remembered is his Impressionism work, showing the happy faces and crowded gathering moments. After that, I suddenly thought of another Impressionist, Claude Monet (1840-1926). One of his famous series of work includes 'Water Lilies'. Yet, the one I recalled is a series of paintings of 'Rouen Cathedral' in France. That's a series of paintings, showing the different light/ shadow seen outside the church.
** The dialogue with Mr. Scientist triggered a thought in mind: IF 'ScienceArtsBusiness Schizophrenia' patient has to be sent to psych-homes, I think my friend has got the potential to be my neighbor! **
About：
Rodin: < http://www.musee-rodin.fr/welcome.htm >
Renoir: < http://www.expo-renoir.com/1_3.cfm?id=37594414 >
Monet: < http://www.theartwolf.com/monet_cathedral.htm >
與「科學人」的對話
多謝好友不介意跟我這個周旋於「科學｜藝術｜商業」的「精神分裂病患者」談天說地。
不知是天生的本性，還是後天的培育，似乎自己有丁點慧根去了解更多關於這三個世界的種種。雖說是「三個世界」，但對我來說，其實一切都只是屬於我們活在的世界裡，無分彼此。
認識的朋友當中，有不少都是專注於其中一個「世界」的學問。說真的，我很佩服，是他們的精神、能力和專注力。「科學人」對真理的追求，又或是希望透過科學研發，讓人活得更好；「藝術人」則專注於美學當中，又或者希望透過藝術，讓人感到更加滿足，填補心靈的空虛；「商業人」雖不時被唾罵，更有說「無奸不成商，正所謂奸商，從商的，都是奸的」，不過話說回來，若不是有他們在推動，又怎能讓大家在過著今天富足的日子呢？同時，又怎能推動文明進步呢？
這個晚上，跟「科學人」對話過後，我就發現自己的「科學｜藝術｜商業 精神分裂症」頗嚴重。自少愛讀科學的學科，讀中四那年，更與幾位中學同學參加奧林匹克數學比賽，理應是個「科學人」；但我愛看文學小說，記得年前與多年沒見的中學同學聚舊，她記得我是「那個愛看Jane Austen的同學」，我亦愛看畫，寫書法，那樣說，我理應是個「藝術人」；然而，中學快要畢業，要選大學，我很清楚自己的方向，我要讀BBA (Bachelor of Business Administration)，我認為自己要從商，結果進了科大商學院，大學畢業後至今，朋友都在說我經常都在想商業想生意，那麼，我該是個「商業人」。
活到今天，對於這「三個世界」的學問，還是有著點熱情。若要取捨，實為難事。這樣一來，似乎我會繼續活在這三個世界的大同理想之中......
後記：「科學人」提出了兩個問題，很值得我去思索。一：你何以那樣好酒？二：藝術是甚麼？我沒正面回答，皆因那一刻，我沒答案。然而，回家的電車旅程上，我想到了。
一）好酒，不只因為酒精所帶來的感覺，是清醒的時候，不能感受到的快感；還有因為以上談及的「科學｜藝術｜商業精神分裂症」，要鑽研酒的學問，而又能生存在這現實生活之中，定要周旋在那「三個世界」之間，我暫時找不到任何其他的學問或工作，能讓我感到那「科學｜藝術｜商業精神分裂症」是有存在價值的。（雖然我喜歡四處遊蕩，不留痕跡，不留名字，但畢竟要生存，要活得有意義，還是要有著某程度的存在價值。）
二）藝術的確如他的朋友所說，是一種交流。除此之外，我看那更是一門穿插於時空之中的學問。我最愛的藝術家是羅丹（Auguste Rodin, 1840-1917)，他的作品充分表現出人的愛恨與慾念，還有反映著生活的細節，基本上是在任何一個時空的世界，都存在著的。「科學人」好友還提到另一名藝術家Pierre-Auguste Renoir (1841-1919)，我不太認識他，就只記得他的印象派作品，想起畫中的熱鬧場面。提起Renoir，我想起另一位印象派畫家Claude Monet (1840-1926)，著名作品包括一系列的「水蓮」(Waterlilies)，而我這回想起的是另一系列的作品，他畫的是位於法國的一座大教堂Rouen Cathedral，在不同時間的顏色變化。
**這晚與「科學人」的對話，令我不禁在想，若患「科學｜藝術｜商業精神分裂症」的要給送進精神病院，我這位「科學人」好友很有潛質成為我的院友哩！**
有關：
Rodin: < http://www.musee-rodin.fr/welcome.htm >
Renoir: < http://www.expo-renoir.com/1_3.cfm?id=37594414 >
Monet: < http://www.theartwolf.com/monet_cathedral.htm >
不知是天生的本性，還是後天的培育，似乎自己有丁點慧根去了解更多關於這三個世界的種種。雖說是「三個世界」，但對我來說，其實一切都只是屬於我們活在的世界裡，無分彼此。
認識的朋友當中，有不少都是專注於其中一個「世界」的學問。說真的，我很佩服，是他們的精神、能力和專注力。「科學人」對真理的追求，又或是希望透過科學研發，讓人活得更好；「藝術人」則專注於美學當中，又或者希望透過藝術，讓人感到更加滿足，填補心靈的空虛；「商業人」雖不時被唾罵，更有說「無奸不成商，正所謂奸商，從商的，都是奸的」，不過話說回來，若不是有他們在推動，又怎能讓大家在過著今天富足的日子呢？同時，又怎能推動文明進步呢？
這個晚上，跟「科學人」對話過後，我就發現自己的「科學｜藝術｜商業 精神分裂症」頗嚴重。自少愛讀科學的學科，讀中四那年，更與幾位中學同學參加奧林匹克數學比賽，理應是個「科學人」；但我愛看文學小說，記得年前與多年沒見的中學同學聚舊，她記得我是「那個愛看Jane Austen的同學」，我亦愛看畫，寫書法，那樣說，我理應是個「藝術人」；然而，中學快要畢業，要選大學，我很清楚自己的方向，我要讀BBA (Bachelor of Business Administration)，我認為自己要從商，結果進了科大商學院，大學畢業後至今，朋友都在說我經常都在想商業想生意，那麼，我該是個「商業人」。
活到今天，對於這「三個世界」的學問，還是有著點熱情。若要取捨，實為難事。這樣一來，似乎我會繼續活在這三個世界的大同理想之中......
後記：「科學人」提出了兩個問題，很值得我去思索。一：你何以那樣好酒？二：藝術是甚麼？我沒正面回答，皆因那一刻，我沒答案。然而，回家的電車旅程上，我想到了。
一）好酒，不只因為酒精所帶來的感覺，是清醒的時候，不能感受到的快感；還有因為以上談及的「科學｜藝術｜商業精神分裂症」，要鑽研酒的學問，而又能生存在這現實生活之中，定要周旋在那「三個世界」之間，我暫時找不到任何其他的學問或工作，能讓我感到那「科學｜藝術｜商業精神分裂症」是有存在價值的。（雖然我喜歡四處遊蕩，不留痕跡，不留名字，但畢竟要生存，要活得有意義，還是要有著某程度的存在價值。）
二）藝術的確如他的朋友所說，是一種交流。除此之外，我看那更是一門穿插於時空之中的學問。我最愛的藝術家是羅丹（Auguste Rodin, 1840-1917)，他的作品充分表現出人的愛恨與慾念，還有反映著生活的細節，基本上是在任何一個時空的世界，都存在著的。「科學人」好友還提到另一名藝術家Pierre-Auguste Renoir (1841-1919)，我不太認識他，就只記得他的印象派作品，想起畫中的熱鬧場面。提起Renoir，我想起另一位印象派畫家Claude Monet (1840-1926)，著名作品包括一系列的「水蓮」(Waterlilies)，而我這回想起的是另一系列的作品，他畫的是位於法國的一座大教堂Rouen Cathedral，在不同時間的顏色變化。
**這晚與「科學人」的對話，令我不禁在想，若患「科學｜藝術｜商業精神分裂症」的要給送進精神病院，我這位「科學人」好友很有潛質成為我的院友哩！**
有關：
Rodin: < http://www.musee-rodin.fr/welcome.htm >
Renoir: < http://www.expo-renoir.com/1_3.cfm?id=37594414 >
Monet: < http://www.theartwolf.com/monet_cathedral.htm >
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