How badly I want you... but I know I have to let go.

There I was, at the harbour front of Sydney Harbour, under the dark starry sky.
Having had the dinner with a group of crazy wine companions,
we were on the way back to the Hotel.

Interesting to know new people who are also 'crazy',
and all didn't mind having a night walk on the street.
So there, I was walking along the street under the light from the street lamp.

That was the first night I arrived at Sydney, the first time ever been here.
I used to think Sydney is a great city - vibe, energetic, hype, fun...
Yet, during the 15-minute walk this evening,
I realized the feeling turned out to be really different.

On the way, I didn't speak at all.
I was walking on my own with my high heel shoes.
I could hear the koo-ook sound came from each of my step.
I could hear the silence in the air.
Then, I heard the resonance which would never exist in reality.

I knew where exactly that resonance was from.
I knew by heart that it actually came from the voice which I was once so familiar with.
Indeed, I also knew that it wasn't only the voice I recalled again,
but also the face, the smile, the body, the smell, the hug, the kiss, the rhythm of his breath...

Although the memories didn't fade away as time goes by, I knew he was gone,
and I have been going further away from everything he has left behind in me.
The love, the pain, the desire, the misery... all are slipping away from my life.

Probably I have noticed this at the moment when I found no more tears swelling in my eyes.
However, I have been making up a lot of excuses and reasons to deny the fact -
just simply because I knew how badly I wanted him.

There when I was walking silently in Sydney,
I recalled the conversations we had, the whisper in my ears, and the breath of us in the dark... plus a lot of moments when we were together.
No idea how all these happened, but that was true - all in my mind.

But this time, instead of the denial I used to make whenever all these came up in mind,
I took it by heart - he was gone, and no matter how badly I wanted him, I have to let go.