Are you in a relationship?

Are you in a relationship?
A/ I'm unavailable, but I'm not in a relationship.
B/ It's complicated.
C/ I'm not in a relationship, but I'm so occupied.
D/ All of the above.

** Just for fun. **

What if I'll be losing you...

"What if I'll be losing you?"

That has been a question in mind recently.
I couldn't stop thinking of that,
just because I feel so close towards you.
Perhaps too close that I feel like I should step back,
and get a bit away from you.

I know, if I get too close to someone,
I will be madly into that person.

I know, if I keep a distance there,
I feel comfortable that we'll stay close forever indeed.

I don't know, if I keep too far away from you,
whether I would still be happy or not though.
That's because for sure,
I'll be losing you one day.
You will be away.

I don't know, if I really pull myself real close to you,
what would be next, or how it would be if someday,
I'm losing you......

Anyway,
I am sure that I got to stop thinking of this.
Enjoying the moments should be more important -
no matter if I could stay close to you,
or if I decided to keep the distance from you,
or you'll really be going away one day.

What if I'll be losing you?
It no longer matters, because I had enjoyed the moments.
That would be lasting forever, even if I will be really losing you.

I want to be with you (end)

It has been quite some time since we had the chat at the coffee shop.
Right - I still recalled the first time we caught sight of each other,
and all the happy time we've been through.

THAT first sight seemed to be saying, 'I want to be with you'.
Even until now,
the feeling of 'I want to be with you' is still so strong.

I know that's in you, that's in me too.
Yet, I am quite sure that this kind of 'being with you'
doesn't mean that we wanted to be staying together like a couple.

Probably we know ourselves really well,
and we know each other too well.
We know also very well that we are not the ONE for each other.

We really treasure the time we stayed together,
happiness, sometimes silence, sometimes sadness,
we could share everything, anything we could.

Perhaps when we love someone,
we treasure the time we have together and
what we can do for each other.
It doesn't really matter the way we stay with each other.

As long as we know each other is doing well,
it's already the way to say 'I want to be with you, FOREVER'.

I want to be with you (1)

I forgot when I first met you,
it seemed to be even before I was born.

All I remembered - I saw you there coming up from the escalator
in front of me, while I was reading at coffee shop.

Not knowing how it happened,
we caught sight of each other, and we smiled to each other.

Then you walked pass me, and I continued reading there.

***
Few days later, I was reading there again.
The same spot.

There you came up from the escalator,
and we saw each other again.
Just like the first time.

I bet you were not that busy this day.
You came up to me and took the empty seat in front of me,
without asking whether anyone was taking that seat.

I didn't know who you were, you didn't know who I was either.
Yet, we said HELLO and started chatting there.

From the book I was reading, the book you were reading;
then what I studied, what you studied;
where you have been to, where I was going around some years ago;
what you were working at, and what's my job.

We kept chatting, until a few hours later - it was getting dark.

***
Since this day, we kept in touch with each other.
Sometimes, we chatted over the phone.
Sometimes, we texted each other.
Sometimes, we met up for a round.
Sometimes, we just got together without saying a word to each other,
just enjoyed the silence.

(to be continued)

A kind of distance (II)

（Continued）

I believed there are quite some kinds of interaction between man and woman. Some of those are just superficial, not really 'friends'; some of those are really friends, they talk whatever they feel like, could be just something out of imagination or something about reality, all the sharings are really from deep inside their hearts; others are couples who would eventually get married.



I know friends who are quite into each other. They talk whatever, share all the laughter and tears. Yet, they wouldn't go with each other even though they both felt some kind of 'connection' in between. They know for sure that they could only be friends for the rest of their lives.

Actually, I once asked my friend, why that could happen. Why keeping that distance, and not just go closer to each other & stay together? -- that's the thought 10 years ago.

Today, 10 years later, my mind has changed after some life experiences about health, work, family, and relationship. I found it's sometimes good indeed to keep some distance away from somebody. Just not to let the relationship go further...



Once I thought that's either because one is not confident at walking rest of life together, or just doesn't have that courage. Later, I realized that there could be mutual understanding between them. And there is somehow a taste of love indeed.


In fact, such taste of love could be two feel a great sense of connection. Probably love doesn't mean that two have to go together, get married, and live together; even if two get married, it doesn't mean that there is true love between them.

P.S. Some friends did leave me messages after I wrote a quick line about 'a kind of distance' on facebook. One sugggested me listening to a song, another was mentioning a movie.

I listened to the song, and felt it's more about someone passed away, the partner could no longer hear his/ her breathe. All he/she could do is to feel the 'zero distance' in heart... whilst in the movie, it seemed to tell even two are together, they could be far apart from each other at heart.

Well, I think both of these are different from that kind of distance in my mind. The one I have in mind doesn't make people sad or regret. The distance is making a truly loving relationship. It makes two get even closer, and the relationship last forever.

＊＊＊
At the 'wine + food tasting' afternoon, I was looking at the glass on the table next to me, and the sunset. There, I felt like seeing that kind of distance. It's reachable, but you just don't wanna catch it...

A kind of distance (I)

Sometimes, you'd prefer keeping a bit distance away from somebody...

***
Have been wanting to write this piece 'A kind of distance' for a few days. However, I was just too busy - busy out there in the day, and busy at home in the evening. And I just slept for like 4 hours a day, making me so tired and not having the mood to write. Just don't feel like looking at anything, not reading, not thinking, and not writing. Although I know I've got lots of words to say, lots of things to write, just simply NO - I need some rest.

Then a week is gone, and it's going to be a public holiday on Friday. Long weekend is here!! On this Thursday, I would like to take a break, and work hard again tomorrow.

That's why I feel like writing again.

I was pretty busy on the day before holiday. My schedule was packed with meetings. Luckily, one of the meeting was actually a 'food + wine tasting'. While I was there at the restaurant for the long meeting, I got the chance to see the sunset, and the nightview of the Victoria Harbour. Probably that's good - bit relaxing time out of busy work!

After all the work, I felt like if I went straight back home - I would be thinking about work at the end. So, I decided, I should go out for a while, and have bit rest (of mind). I ended up heading to Central.

Coincident, my dear friend was in Central, AND I was having a bottle of red wine in hand...

Finally, we went to an old friend's 'private kitchen', ordered some bites, and we started drinking! We chatted and chatted... and our conversation made me feel like starting this 'A kind of distance'.

(To be continued)

At the 'food & wine tasting', I got wines with great food, plus the wonderful 188-degree harbourview. Not to miss - there was the sunset & night view. That is the relaxing moment out of the busy time.

Do you hear me?

Thanks for my 'devilly angel' friend's call for drink in the afternoon.
Although I was kind of sick this morning,
I was so tempted to have a glass of wine tonight.
Perhaps some wine could help me feel better...

There, I was in Central for a drink!

My friends were not there with me finally - for no matter reason.
So, I was having my glass of wine, with the magazines I grabbed from the 'FREE' tray.
It was all emtpy there indeed, no one was there, except me & the bartender.
I didn't talk to him at all, instead - I was there reading, and thinking.

Sometimes, I could see the 'phantom' around - because there was a staircase,
with the glass door, having the spotlight shining over it.
When people walked down the staircase,
their shadow was like phantom passing by...

I spent almost like an hour and a half there,
reading and thinking.
Then I saw the two chairs there, nearby the window, looking over the street.
The seats looked really familar to me,
yes - really familiar.

I guess it was not because of the seats AT THAT PARTICULAR BAR,
but the distance between the chairs, and also the distance from me to the chairs.

I recalled at the occasion, when I was sitting next to another so close,
with the distance between that two chairs I've seen.
We were chatting, laughing, having fun, toasting, drinking.
Sometimes, there were simply silence, because none of us bothered to talk.
Why not just continue with people-watching, and enjoying our own thinking,
while sitting beside each other?

There was another occasion,
where we were at such long distance like that between me and the chairs -
nothing we could talk,
but we could only show some signals to each other.

Sending signals without words could be interesting sometimes.
It was as if telling something with your body language, or just a raise of your eyebrow,
and then shout without any noise 'Do you hear me?'.

So, do you hear me?

How badly I want you... but I know I have to let go.

There I was, at the harbour front of Sydney Harbour, under the dark starry sky.
Having had the dinner with a group of crazy wine companions,
we were on the way back to the Hotel.

Interesting to know new people who are also 'crazy',
and all didn't mind having a night walk on the street.
So there, I was walking along the street under the light from the street lamp.

That was the first night I arrived at Sydney, the first time ever been here.
I used to think Sydney is a great city - vibe, energetic, hype, fun...
Yet, during the 15-minute walk this evening,
I realized the feeling turned out to be really different.

On the way, I didn't speak at all.
I was walking on my own with my high heel shoes.
I could hear the koo-ook sound came from each of my step.
I could hear the silence in the air.
Then, I heard the resonance which would never exist in reality.

I knew where exactly that resonance was from.
I knew by heart that it actually came from the voice which I was once so familiar with.
Indeed, I also knew that it wasn't only the voice I recalled again,
but also the face, the smile, the body, the smell, the hug, the kiss, the rhythm of his breath...

Although the memories didn't fade away as time goes by, I knew he was gone,
and I have been going further away from everything he has left behind in me.
The love, the pain, the desire, the misery... all are slipping away from my life.

Probably I have noticed this at the moment when I found no more tears swelling in my eyes.
However, I have been making up a lot of excuses and reasons to deny the fact -
just simply because I knew how badly I wanted him.

There when I was walking silently in Sydney,
I recalled the conversations we had, the whisper in my ears, and the breath of us in the dark... plus a lot of moments when we were together.
No idea how all these happened, but that was true - all in my mind.

But this time, instead of the denial I used to make whenever all these came up in mind,
I took it by heart - he was gone, and no matter how badly I wanted him, I have to let go.

你以外的回憶都是彩色的，只有你的是黑白。｜All memories without you are colorful, only yours is B&W.

黑白的回憶只是腦海裡的紀錄，存封了。
Memories in B&W are only records in mind, archived.
***



玻璃碎片，每一塊都有自己的形狀，是獨特的。



玻璃碎片，既危險，又不再有用了。大多數人只會想盡快清理。那天，我在家打破了花瓶，的確想快點清理好，因為怕家人會不小心被玻璃割傷，我亦明白拾起玻璃碎片的危險性。不過，我覺得碎片還有用，可以成為另一件藝術品，用來紀念那花瓶。